It's the second inning of the season opening Red Sox-Yankees tilt on ESPN2 and I have decided that a healthy way for me to deal with my ongoing Joe Morgan related rage issues is just to blog about it. So that's exactly what I'm going to do, with no plan at all.
* In the first, a fly ball was caught for an out in front of the 379 foot sign in left-center. Hall of Famer Joe's crack analysis? "That's the deepest part of the park (beat)...as far as left field goes."
* Top of the second, Jorge Posada clanks a cheap homer off the Pesky Pole in right. Joe describes the swing using the term "hands" roughly 37 times. Then he speculates what the distance might have been. My son A.J. is three and I'm pretty sure he knows that it's 302 down the line in right at Fenway. As for the pole itself, Morgan actually asks out loud if it is nicknamed for former Red Sox shortstop Johnny Pesky. First trip to Fenway Park, Joe? Just a reminder: this is a Hall of Fame player on the number one baseball broadcasting team for the largest sports provider in the known universe.
* New Yankee center fielder Curtis Granderson absolutely crushes a home run to dead center field, over the bullpen. "That's why they got him, for his defense and his speed on the base paths," observes The Village Idiot. I would almost think he's making fun of himself but there is a zero percent chance that he is that clever.
* Okay, I have a little bit of a hard time not being able to root for a big, beefy, 6'7" dude named C.C. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm absolutely looking forward to that wide load blowing out a knee or a shoulder sometime over the next season or two. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'd root against my own mother if she wore the pinstripes.
* Underrated side ESPN broadcast pet peeve: Jon Miller's obnoxious pronunciation of Latin names. Everyone else calls our new third baseman Adrian BELL-tray. Miller? Bel-TRAY. Annoying.
* Joe just explained that beginning one's Yankee career with a home run is preferable to going "0-for-10 and looking for that first hit." He is getting paid a lot of money to tell us insightful things like this. Really.
* Morgan made it to no outs in the bottom of the third before working in his first Cincinnati reference. Pay the under! Meanwhile, Jon Miller is making an actual case for the second Red Sox game of the year to be "Opening Day," for the people that don't like opening night. That game will be after this one, which, you know,
opened the season. And it will take place roughly 40 hours from now. Opening Day...really?
* Mike Cameron just got doubled off first on a routine line drive that wasn't hit very hard. In a related story, I think I need a drink.
* How many hits do you think you'd get Googling "Joe Morgan Is An Idiot?" I'll give you a hint: more than 12 million.
* I don't want to say this game has gone completely to shit but the Yanks just swiped home on a first and third double-steal and Joe convinced himself that he somehow made a great call related to this. Just kill me. I'm on board for this "Opening Day on Tuesday" idea now. Let's do it.
* Quick question: how much interest am I really supposed to show when my wife starts asking me about kids' bedspreads that she's showing me online? I think it's a trap. I'm positive she just showed me the same one twice and asked which I like better.
* Sox fan buddy embedded in NYC checked in on Twitter to let me know how good I have it with Joe and Co., since he is stuck with the Yank-jazeera broadcast on YES. And yes, that's definitely worse.
* Joe just stated a Sabathia statistic that was blatantly incorrect (he was off by 300%), then referred to an Albert Pujols-Big Papi conversation about hitting, then disavowed any knowledge of any quote in there when the actual quote was placed on the screen with a graphic. Morgan practically pulled a muscle running backwards screaming, "Don't mind me, I'm just talking out my ass again!" Oh, and the Red Sox still have exactly one hit tonight.
* Marco Scutaro just made some new friends at the Fens with a two out, RBI single. I think Boston might love this guy this year. Worth mentioning: Yankee left fielder Brett Gardner completely airmailed the throw back in, and for the life of me I cannot understand why the Yanks didn't spend a few extra bucks to keep Johnny Damon, and I really hope it bites them in the ass this year. How bad does a throw from left have to be to make you think that Damon could have done a better job? Yikes.
* YOOOOOUK! Makes it 5-4 with a two run triple to right, thanks to a horrible angle taken by Nick Swisher.
* Sox tie it up, only to give it back with a weird kind of regular season bullpen move I have learned to live with from Terry Francona: he leaves Ramon Ramirez in to face Tex and A-Rod, who each get a solid rip. Enter Okajima. Why not do that to start the inning if you're going to pull the move with no outs?
* Apparently Chan Ho Park is still in the majors because he is now pitching for the Yankees. I'll go ahead and feel good about this. Chan Ho Park is their 7th inning righty set up guy? Honestly?
* Park just fanned Jacoby looking on a big, loopy curve. Ellsbury has done nothing good tonight, and I'll go ahead and say it: I don't like the uniform number switch either. He looks smaller.
*
Dustin Pedroia knots it with a bomb over the Monster. This now feels like a game we should win.
* Wild pitch, wild pitch...8-7 lead. Watching the wheels come off like this for the Janks is quite enjoyable. "I still think he should have caught it," notes Morgan, referring to a ball that missed the plate by about ten feet. And now Joba's coming in. We've got plenty of time left for a brawl, folks.
* Clinging to a one run lead heading to the 8th and yes, I'm already preemptively sweating over Papelbon time.
* Okay, it took him nearly eight full innings but I think Joe Morgan actually said something relevant, raising the possibility that the Yankees middle relief might be a problem. Granted, this was after watching Chan Ho Park and Damaso Marte enter, pour gasoline on the infield, and set it alight, but still...a cogent point from Joe!
* Daniel Bard in the 8th is going to become really reliable and fun to watch.
* However, Steven Tyler in the 7th and Neil Diamond in the 8th is a little much for a Sunday night in April. Honestly. Meanwhile, my wife said that this comment makes me sound like my father. Which is ridiculous, because there is no way he stayed awake for either one tonight.
* In addition to the soft, gaping underbelly of the Bronx bullpen, it also warrants mentioning that anything hit up the middle between Jeter and Cano is a base hit. Any. Thing.
* Pap wraps it up in the 9th to finish off a lovely, come from behind Opening Night win. It wasn't pretty, and neither was the color commentary coming from the Big Red Idiot in the booth, but I'll take it.
