Pats wrap

Nice win for the Patriots on Sunday. So how did they do on the points I stressed?

* Turnover battle: A 1-0 win. I'll take that every week. Cassel did a pretty good job making smart decisions. He took a couple of sacks that looked a little iffy but he took care of the football, which is now job one for him the rest of the way.

* Running game: 33 carries for a tough 104 yards, but because so many came in the crucial second half it felt like more. Lamont Jordan really brought the hammer when he came in: 11 carries for 62 yards, a 5.6 average. I don't know if they plan to continue using him as a late game closer but he really looked explosive and strong.

* Third down defense: once again, they allowed a 50% conversion rate. Favre made a couple of great, vintage Brett Favre plays on third and long. It happens, and overall I was happy with the effort on third down aside from a few plays with missed tackles.

All in all, this was a really great win. We beat a solid football team on the road and our quarterback who hadn't started since 1999 at Chatsworth High did what we asked him to do. Matt Cassel's final line: 16-23, 165dyards, 69.6% completion rate. There will be weeks when we need him to throw downfielf more often, but I think that efforts like this will get the job done a lot this year. Nice work.

The Cassel Pats, week one

I'm now genuinely excited to watch Matt Cassel lead the Patriots today. I hate the Jets with a passion and there's not much in life more fun that watching a team from Boston beat one from New York in anything. Here's what needs to happen today to make that happen once again:

* The Pats must win the turnover battle. Luckily, the opposing quarterback has thrown more interceptions than any player in football history. Cassel just needs to make good decisions today, and I think he can do that. I also look for him to make a couple of plays scrambling--which is something we never actively hope or root for with Tom Brady.

* The Pats need to do a better job on the ground. Last week they rushed for just over 120 yards against the Chiefs, with Laurence Maroney and Sammy Morris splitting carries and yards equally. Look for more of the same today, with slightly better results.

* The Pats defense needs to get off the field on third down. This was a huge problem last week against the Chiefs, who converted half of their 16 third down plays. That can't happen on the road against Brett Favre.

This will probably be a pretty tight game, and I'm not looking forward to the wild media overreaction no matter what happens. Either it will be "The Pats are done, end of an era, pass the torch to the Jets!" or "Cassel takes over, it's 2001 all over again!" It's neither. We just need Matt Cassel to play well enough for us to win. I think he'll do it.

Faces you want to punch

Do you occasionally see someone's face and it just makes you want to punch them? Yeah, me too. Here are some.

PETE WENTZ. Highly punchable face, and I even like some of his band's songs.


SPENCER PRATT. It just annoys me to no end that I even know who this douchebag is. Clearly one of the most punchable people on this planet or any other.


CHRISTIAN SOMEBODYOROTHER. I have never watched whatever fashion reality show this punk was on, but just seeing him get parodied on Saturday Night Live was so annoying I wished I could reach through the screen of my TV to punch him in the face.


MIKE BIBBY. It was amazing how badly I wanted to cold-cock this guy during the Celts-Hawks series. And it has nothing to do with his game, which is insubstantial. He just has one of those mugs that screams "Please hit me right in the nose."


JUNIOR STEINBRENNER. Too obvious, sure. But is there any ownership figure in sports more deserving of a busted lip than this blowhard? You know what else blows hard? The 4th place New York Yankees!


FIREMAN ED THE JET FAN. J! E! R! K! JERK!JERK!JERK!


ALL THREE JONAS BROTHERS...with one big, continuous haymaker. PUNCH-PUNCH-PUNCH. Like something you'd see in a cartoon or a Three Stooges episode.


BILL MAHER. What a smarmy little prick this guy is. KABOOM, right in his self-important mouth.


THAT FRENCH SWIMMER FROM THE OLYMPICS. Zut alors!

Random photo of the day

So not too long ago I was making dinner and opted for some Uncle Ben's microwaveable rice. It's actually really good, it's a nice change of pace from what I usually make, and it is ready in 90 seconds. Or, apparently, a little bit less. Here's what happened about 80 seconds in.

Now, I know that microwaves have different strengths, and sometimes things take different amounts of time to cook. But I had already made this EXACT rice in this microwave before without incident. So yeah...it's about as funny as things get when making your basic dinner side dish. It sounded like a frickin' gun went off in the kitchen, by the way. I think I might write a letter to Mr. Ben and attach the photo. Do you think he might give me some free rice?

Pop Culture Calendar

Fall is a great time of year for new pop culture stuff from every medium. Here's a Top 25 list of what I'm looking forward to:

(25. The Matt Cassel era in Foxboro. Okay, this doesn't really count but I wanted 25 items on the list. And I am genuinely excited about it in a weird way.)

24. The return of "good" reality shows like Survivor, The Amazing Race, and The Biggest Loser. Yes, I know the term might seem like an oxymoron, but the summer network TV schedule was downright depressing. America's Top Dog? People jumping on giant rubber balls? Japanese game shows? Really, this is the best we could do in the wake of the strike? I'm telling you, I really should be in network TV programming because I promise I could do better than this.

23. 30 Rock (season 2) on DVD. This show is brilliant. They catch some flak for the crazy number of guest stars, but it really works within the context of the show. Season two had some legendary moments that I'm really looking forward to watching again. Werewolf bar mitzvah, anyone?

22. Rough Weather, a novel by Robert B. Parker. His novels have been hit or miss lately, but I still pick up every Spenser book as soon as it comes out. This will be no exception.

21. Spore PC videogame. This comes from the makers of "The Sims" and could have been titled "SimEverything." You create your own life forms and guide them through various stages of evolution, from the birth of their existence through intergalactic space travel. Yeah, super geeky. Whatever, I'm in.

20. Chuck (season 1) on DVD. This is one of the most enjoyable shows on television. I was hooked right from the pilot and I cannot wait to watch the incredible first season again. The nearly no-name cast is one of the best on TV.

19. Entourage season 5 on HBO. I have an irrational love for this show, and it will be interesting to see the course it takes this year after lead character Vincent Chase suffered a box office bomb to wrap up season four.

18. Just After Sunset, a short story collection from Stephen King. This one is a must for me. Some of his past short stories are classics.

17. Fringe, on FOX. It's Sci-Fi, it's J.J. Abrams, and it's got Pacey from Dawson's Creek. That is not the order of things that makes me interested in this show but I'll be giving it a shot.

16. Lost season four on Blu-Ray (December). It looks absolutely gorgeous in Hi Def and some of last year's plot points practically demand a second viewing. The Constant? The (spoiler alert?) island-moving frozen donkey wheel? Jin going kablooie? Yeah, I need to see everything again.

15. Heroes season three on NBC. I like the fact that the producers outright admitted that they made some major mistakes last year. The writers' strike killed any momentum that they could have generated at the end of the year, so I think shutting it down and starting up this fall was the right call. Everything I've seen and read so far looks promising.

14. and 13. (tie) How I Met Your Mother, seasons three (DVD) and four (CBS). I was a latecomer to this show, which is kind of a problem...because it is absolutely AWESOME. Everything about it is great. The concept is as fresh as could be for a multi-cam sitcom. The cast is incredibly appealing. The writing is sharp and hilarious. I just love this show! Here's my only problem: I'm still catching up via DVD, so I'm a full season behind, and the new season starts over a month earlier than last season's DVD comes out. Who scheduled that?!? Terrible call. But I'll DVR it until I get caught up in October. It will be legen...wait for it...DARY!

12. 30 Rock season three on NBC. This show might be going down but they're going down swinging. Bring on more stunt guest star casting. Whatever it takes to keep it alive!


11. The Brass Verdict, a novel by Michael Connelly. I think he has supplanted Parker as my favorite crime fiction writer going today. Everything he writes is thoroughly enjoyable and engaging, and this new one looks like a crossover title involving his main guy, Harry Bosch, and recently introduced lawyer Mickey Haller. I'm in. If you have never read him and enjoy a good cop/P.I. yarn, just start at the beginning. You'll love them.

10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall on Blu-Ray. This was really clever, funny, and cute. I'm not sure how they are coming up with enough extras to fill up three regular DVDs but I can't wait to find out. Russell Brand was hilarious in this, unlike his trainwreck of a showing hosting the MTV awards on Sunday.

9. The Office season five on NBC. I adore this show. The Supersizing episodes last fall may not have been the best idea, but as a whole they had a great year. I cannot wait to see where and how things pick up this fall.

8. The Force Unleashed videogame on PS3. Kicking ass and using the full array of Force powers as Darth Vader's secret apprentice between episodes three and four? Hell yeah! The video clips look phenomenal. I apologize in advance for all the poor Wookiees I'm going to slaughter playing this game. I still love you, Wookiees. Nothing personal.


7. Iron Man on Blu-Ray. The Dark Knight might be a better film, but Iron Man was probably the most enjoyable movie of the summer. I can't to pop this one in again and watch it in glorious HD.

6. Chuck season two on NBC. I watched a six minute trailer of the upcoming season that they showed at ComiCon and...wow. It looks incredible. Kudos to NBC for giving this show the support it deserves.

5. Quantum of Solace, in theatres in November. Casino Royale rocked and the whole James Bond reboot idea was long overdue. I hear this one picks up ten minutes after the end of the last movie. Cool idea. I'm so there.

4. Downtown Owl, a novel by Chuck Klosterman. Klosterman has become my favorite writer. His pop culture books are instant classics, whether I completely agree with what he is saying or almost laugh out loud at some ridiculous positions he takes. This is his first novel and I'm in, sight unseen. I don't know what it's about, and I don't care. He might be the only author that I can say that about right now: that I will immediately buy whatever he writes without knowing a thing about it: fiction, non-fiction, whatever. He's that entertaining. Okay, the same goes for Bill Simmons, my long lost twin brother. But that's a blog for another day.

3. Zack and Miri Make a Porno, in theatres October 31. Kevin Smith. Seth Rogen. Elizabeth Banks. Justin Long. Amateurs making a porno spoofing Star Wars. Yes, I'll be seeing this one. Also, I guarantee that this is Smith's biggest box office success to date, and it won't even be close.

2. Rock Band 2 videogame for PS3. Rock Band was one of the biggest breakthroughs in the history of videogames, and it is so fun it's ridiculous. From all accounts they've taken everything great and improved it for round two. This cannot come out soon enough for me.


1. DEATH MAGNETIC, a CD by Metallica, available Friday. I've heard a few snippets of several of the songs and it sounds far and away like the best stuff they have done since The Black Album. One review I read said it's like a missing album bridging that and "...And Justice For All." St. Anger was almost impossible to listen to, so my hopes are high for a rebound. So far it sounds amazing.

So that's what I'll be consuming this fall.

The Silver Lining

Tom Brady is out for the season, in case you haven’t heard.

I would have to brush up on my five stages of grief from freshman psych, but suffice it to say that I have already moved on to “acceptance.” He’s out, he’s down for the season, and there is nothing we can do about that part. I have to stop reading message boards about it, because the anti-Patriot schadenfreude is off the charts. People hate us. I get it. But the sheer glee, the celebration at a man’s debilitating injury is sickening. Look, I hate Peyton Manning with a passion, but I would absolutely not dance a celebratory jig if he blew out his knee. Shawne Merriman is quite possibly my least favorite current NFL player and he almost certainly IS going to (stupidly, by his own choice) blow out his knee at some point this year, and while the Chargers are at least a tangential rival of the Pats, I will take no joy from it. So, to sum up, the internet trolls who spout garbage like “karma is a bitch” or “it couldn’t happen to a better guy/team” can just go die.

Now…on to the rest of the season. Or, as I shall now call it:

LOOKING FOR THE SILVER LINING WHEN THE BEST QB OF ALL-TIME GOES DOWN

First, Matt Cassel actually looked pretty good on Sunday. His pre-season performance was so uninspired that I actively hoped we would cut him loose. But obviously Bill Belichick, as usual, is smarter than everyone else. Cassel knows this system, and the coaches know what he can and cannot do. The people instantly writing this team off are simply misguided. We still have the best receiving tandem in the league, and that’s worth a lot—case in point, the 50 yard gain on a great adjustment by Randy Moss yesterday. There will be plenty more of those, by him, by Wes Welker, and by the rest of our talented pass-catchers. Losing one guy, even an All-World quarterback, is by no means a death sentence for the 2008 season.

We also happen to have four running backs that are pretty good. The offensive line has been pretty suspect since the end of last season, and they clearly need to step it up. We’re not going to be chucking it around the field 40-50 times a game any more. We’re just not. There’s some talent on the line. Enough to win some games by just grinding it out? We’ll see. The schedule is soft enough that we should be able to do exactly that at times.

But the biggest upside of this whole situation is the instant readjustment of expectations. Last year obviously ended on a horrible note, and it’s because that team was so ridiculously good, but all they’ll be remembered for is the final inability to seal the deal. Simply put, that sucks. We re-wrote the record books and had the best 18 game stretch of any team in the history of the sport, and in the end it counted for nothing. The Pats even hung an ill-advised banner to commemorate the regular season—a huge mistake. But really, the days of having a league-wide bullseye on our backs should be over, at least for the remainder of the season.

And that’s actually kind of cool.

What it means is that we don’t have to hang on every single game, with any loss being sickening. Because we had become that good. Don’t get me wrong—I had so much fun with that last season that it was insane, and I really hope to return to that level of dominance as soon as next season. But the Matt Cassel era gives us a different rooting opportunity. Now we can live week to week with dampened hopes. We can be happy with every single win. We can dream about possibly still winning the division. We can aim for the playoffs, with the memory that anything can happen then. We can root for a quarterback that has not started a game since he was in high school. And we can rub it in everyone’s faces when the Patriots continue to play like the Patriots.

Mark my words: this is far from over. The Patriots will make the playoffs. In fact, they will still win the AFC East. They get to truly play the underdog role that they have relished, and get to legitimately flaunt the “no respect” card that they love to play. We’ll see what happens, but I think it’s going to be a fun ride. And for the first time in a long time, it’s okay to view something that ends with less than a Super Bowl victory as a successful season.

I already can't wait for the Jets game Sunday.

Little man on the move

Here's our little guy taking some of his first steps by himself.

Sports occurences that are "wrong"

There are some things wrong in sports that have just been done for so long that people rarely question them. These are basically little things, but it still bugs me. Here are a few:

Defensive indifference in baseball. I hate this rule, which refers to a runner not getting credit for a stolen base simply because the catcher chose not to throw the ball. It is really only ever ruled this way in the 9th inning, and it’s just a stupid rule. The guy went from first to second. He stole the bag. Give him a steal.

The timing on coaches not going for two points in football. Say that a team is down by 15 points and they score a touchdown. Clearly, they need to score one touchdown, one extra point, another touchdown, and a two point conversion to tie the game up. Coaches, almost universally, will always kick the extra point the first time they score. All this does is defer the two point try to a later possession, thus denying the coach of the knowledge of whether that try is successful earlier in the game. This is seemingly conventional wisdom, and yet it makes absolutely no sense. If that second TD comes very late in the game, and the subsequent two point try fails, the game is basically over. But if the coach just went for two the first time, even if the attempt fails, at least the coach now knows that he needs nine points and can change the game plan accordingly.

Going for it on fourth down. Football coaches, NFL head coaches in particular, are far too conservative about this. They need to take a page from the poker world and simply analyze the probability. Let’s look at a hypothetical “fourth and inches” scenario. If this comes up, say, with a team on their own 30 yard line in the first quarter, the team will punt every single time. This is just stupid. How often does a team actually get stopped on fourth and a foot? 10% of the time? Less? In other words, if this were poker, this is like folding when your hand is a 90% favorite just because you might lose the pot once every ten times, and no reasonable poker player would do this in any normal situation. And in poker, at least the one time it does happen it is a clear loss. In football, there is still the possibility that the opponent will give the ball right back without even scoring, even if they are at the 30 or the 20. At least once or twice a year, you will hear commentators praising a coach for his “aggressiveness” or his “riverboat gambler mentality” when they go for it on fourth down near midfield. It’s not. It’s what they should be doing, almost every time, and certainly far more frequently than they are now.