No, I'm not talking about A-Rod again, although that headline certainly applies to him as well. I'm talking about one of my most loathed broadcasters of all time, the inimitable Joe Morgan. Anyone who knows me understands all too well my hatred for Simple Joe. Why do I despise him so? I could list many reasons, but two qualities stand out at the top: his endless and utterly predictable self-aggrandizing chestnuts, and his reliance on providing "analysis" so mundane that anyone with any remaining gray matter was already aware of what he was talking about, or so blatantly wrong that it is incomprehensible how he ever got handed a microphone in the first place.
On the first point, feel free to play my version of the Joe Morgan Drinking game next time you catch him in the booth. Take one swig for "I" or "me," two for any mention of a former teammate or opponent, and chug it all for a reference to Cincinnati or the Big Red Machine. Have an alcohol poison control center on speed dial if you actually attempt this. As for his riveting "color commentary," I don't even know where to begin. He is such a notoriously insipid announcer that there was even a website devoted to him which, alas, has closed. They dutifully tracked his endless Joe-isms. Here is a choice example of Morgan being Morgan. Bear in mind, this was actually said by a man being paid to analyze baseball at the highest level:
* On the Red Sox (vs. the Rays) in the 2008 ALCS: "They cannot beat them by outscoring them." Actually, that's the only way any team can beat any other team, Joe.
Anyway, I could cherry pick bad Morgan quotes all day. But today we have reached a new low, even for him. It's the perfect storm of Joe Morgan. Self-important reference? Check. Story about his glory days? Check. Blatantly false to absurd degrees? Check!
It Wasn't So, Joe!
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