Red Sox Panic

The Boston Red Sox are cooked. They're a fourth place team that cannot compete with the athleticism of the Tampa Bay Rays or the big budget, loaded top-to-bottom roster of the New York Yankees. The offense is anemic, the rotation is overrated, the bullpen is a mess, and the much-ballyhooed defense is a disaster.

I don't believe any of these things. But it seems like I'm in the minority, as one or all of the above thoughts are the prevailing view of the Olde Towne Team at the moment. Have they played badly? Absolutely. But the grand proclamations that the very composition of this team was a mistake seem really premature to me. We're not even 30 games into the season, and the Sox have played a huge chunk of the schedule so far without their starting left and center fielders. They are getting sub-Buddy Biancalana production from the DH spot. Ace starting pitchers that are notorious slow starters have--shocker--started slowly! I'm not ready to flip the panic switch yet about any or all of these issues. Every team has concerns, and a few bad losses early magnify them.

Take, for instance, a club that looks, in some ways, a little bit like this one on paper. The team in question had three of their five rotation members post ERAs over 4.00, including two at 4.87 and 5.42. The top two set up men were each overworked to the tune of 70+ games with ERAs north of 4.00. The defense was so bad that a mid-season trade was required to stabilize the fielding at two infield spots. That one probably gives it away, but in case it doesn't, I'm talking about...the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox.

I know that the two iterations of the club actually have very little in common. The point I'm making is that it is easy to cherry pick stats to make just about any argument you want to, and it's even easier less than 20% into a season. Beckett and Lester are going to be fine. The DH production will improve, whether it's Big Papi hitting more or sitting more. The defense is the most troubling thing to me, because Adrian Beltre and Marco Scutaro have not shored up the left side of the infield like I thought they would, and since they are two guys I haven't actually watched a ton before this season, there is every possibility that they simply aren't the stellar fielders that their reputations had us think they were. The fact that Fenway's infield is horrible is certainly part of the issue. There's an old baseball cliche that defense doesn't slump but I disagree. I hope that it does, and that's what we've seen so far.

And they won 17-8 last night. You'd think after two championships in the last decade everyone could just relax a little bit. That's what I'm going to do.

Summer of '10 - stuff I'm looking forward to

There's lots of great stuff on the way this summer. Here are a few things I'm psyched about.

May 7 - Iron Man 2. Okay, so May 7 isn't even really summer yet, but the release of this sequel is definitely the start of summer movie season and I'm beyond excited about this one. I loved Iron Man, and everything great about the first one looks like it has been ramped up for the sequel. I couldn't be more in. I plan on catching it in IMAX.

May 18 - Red Dead Redemption for PlayStation3. An open world, first person game set in the dying days of the Old West from the makers of Grand Theft Auto. I've checked out some videos of the game play and this one looks absolutely amazing. I don't have time to play video games as much as I used to--sad and shocking, I know--but I will find some time to give this one a good run. My hopes are high.

May 23 - The Lost finale. I have no idea how it is going to end, aside from knowing that they have to bridge the island and flash-sideways worlds together somehow. I do know that there is no way they can answer every last lingering question or tie up all the loose ends. It's impossible. But it will be really entertaining to see exactly what they do and how they do it.

June 18 - Toy Story 3. First theatrical movie experience for AJ? Could be. I think he might still be a little young, so I may hold off until '11 for Kung Fu Panda 2 or Cars 2. But this might work.

June 27 - Entourage season premiere on HBO. Last season was pretty sub par and it could be the beginning of the end, but I don't care. I'll watch this every week until it's done. If that makes me a little douchey by default, so be it.

Mid-July - Family trip to Cape Cod. This is definitely a highlight of the year. Last year we drove, and the trip up was surprisingly painless. The boy was phenomenal in the car, and also did well staying in hotels for the first time. But this time, just like with anything else we try to do now, the degree of difficulty will increase exponentially with two kids instead of one. Courtney is adorable, but she can also turn into a little demon at the drop of a hat. However, at the time we leave she'll be almost eight months old instead of the five-ish she is now, and those few months could make a huge difference. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself, and it will be two days of sheer hell. But I really hate air travel at this point, and anything else seems like a better option.

August - The Red Sox move into first place in the AL East. This one looks wildly optimistic right now, so what better time to make a bold prediction?

Random

The frequency (or lack thereof) with which I blog is pretty pathetic. So here are just some random thoughts so I can at least post something and try to get back into some sort of blogging schedule.

* I saw Kick-Ass and it was almost mind-blowingly entertaining. I'm trying to think of a movie I've seen over the last decade with a more rewarding third act and I'm coming up empty.

* The Red Sox are back to .500, thanks to stellar starting pitching the last two games: Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz combined to go 15 innings, allowing just eight hits and one run while striking out 15. I still feel good about the composition of this team, especially once we get healthy. The starting pitching is strong and deep, and the defense can't help but play better than they have. If we need another stick or a power bullpen arm, then we'll go get it at the deadline.

* The Celtics looked pretty strong in the first round demolition of the Miami Heat. Drawing the Cavaliers in the second round is a nightmare, but I at least think the Celts will make it interesting. The C's were actually stronger on the road than at home this year, so if they can steal game one in Cleveland then the series could be epic.

* I love The Office and I still watch it every week, but if next year is the final season of Steve Carell's deal then that is the perfect time to shut it down and say goodbye. The last two seasons just haven't been as funny as what came before it, and right now the show is consistently running fourth out of NBC's Thursday night comedy block for me. They had a great run, but I'd hate to see them hang around too long.

2010's first Joe Morgan blog

It's the second inning of the season opening Red Sox-Yankees tilt on ESPN2 and I have decided that a healthy way for me to deal with my ongoing Joe Morgan related rage issues is just to blog about it. So that's exactly what I'm going to do, with no plan at all.

* In the first, a fly ball was caught for an out in front of the 379 foot sign in left-center. Hall of Famer Joe's crack analysis? "That's the deepest part of the park (beat)...as far as left field goes."

* Top of the second, Jorge Posada clanks a cheap homer off the Pesky Pole in right. Joe describes the swing using the term "hands" roughly 37 times. Then he speculates what the distance might have been. My son A.J. is three and I'm pretty sure he knows that it's 302 down the line in right at Fenway. As for the pole itself, Morgan actually asks out loud if it is nicknamed for former Red Sox shortstop Johnny Pesky. First trip to Fenway Park, Joe? Just a reminder: this is a Hall of Fame player on the number one baseball broadcasting team for the largest sports provider in the known universe.

* New Yankee center fielder Curtis Granderson absolutely crushes a home run to dead center field, over the bullpen. "That's why they got him, for his defense and his speed on the base paths," observes The Village Idiot. I would almost think he's making fun of himself but there is a zero percent chance that he is that clever.

* Okay, I have a little bit of a hard time not being able to root for a big, beefy, 6'7" dude named C.C. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm absolutely looking forward to that wide load blowing out a knee or a shoulder sometime over the next season or two. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'd root against my own mother if she wore the pinstripes.

* Underrated side ESPN broadcast pet peeve: Jon Miller's obnoxious pronunciation of Latin names. Everyone else calls our new third baseman Adrian BELL-tray. Miller? Bel-TRAY. Annoying.

* Joe just explained that beginning one's Yankee career with a home run is preferable to going "0-for-10 and looking for that first hit." He is getting paid a lot of money to tell us insightful things like this. Really.

* Morgan made it to no outs in the bottom of the third before working in his first Cincinnati reference. Pay the under! Meanwhile, Jon Miller is making an actual case for the second Red Sox game of the year to be "Opening Day," for the people that don't like opening night. That game will be after this one, which, you know, opened the season. And it will take place roughly 40 hours from now. Opening Day...really?

* Mike Cameron just got doubled off first on a routine line drive that wasn't hit very hard. In a related story, I think I need a drink.

* How many hits do you think you'd get Googling "Joe Morgan Is An Idiot?" I'll give you a hint: more than 12 million.

* I don't want to say this game has gone completely to shit but the Yanks just swiped home on a first and third double-steal and Joe convinced himself that he somehow made a great call related to this. Just kill me. I'm on board for this "Opening Day on Tuesday" idea now. Let's do it.

* Quick question: how much interest am I really supposed to show when my wife starts asking me about kids' bedspreads that she's showing me online? I think it's a trap. I'm positive she just showed me the same one twice and asked which I like better.

* Sox fan buddy embedded in NYC checked in on Twitter to let me know how good I have it with Joe and Co., since he is stuck with the Yank-jazeera broadcast on YES. And yes, that's definitely worse.

* Joe just stated a Sabathia statistic that was blatantly incorrect (he was off by 300%), then referred to an Albert Pujols-Big Papi conversation about hitting, then disavowed any knowledge of any quote in there when the actual quote was placed on the screen with a graphic. Morgan practically pulled a muscle running backwards screaming, "Don't mind me, I'm just talking out my ass again!" Oh, and the Red Sox still have exactly one hit tonight.

* Marco Scutaro just made some new friends at the Fens with a two out, RBI single. I think Boston might love this guy this year. Worth mentioning: Yankee left fielder Brett Gardner completely airmailed the throw back in, and for the life of me I cannot understand why the Yanks didn't spend a few extra bucks to keep Johnny Damon, and I really hope it bites them in the ass this year. How bad does a throw from left have to be to make you think that Damon could have done a better job? Yikes.

* YOOOOOUK! Makes it 5-4 with a two run triple to right, thanks to a horrible angle taken by Nick Swisher.

* Sox tie it up, only to give it back with a weird kind of regular season bullpen move I have learned to live with from Terry Francona: he leaves Ramon Ramirez in to face Tex and A-Rod, who each get a solid rip. Enter Okajima. Why not do that to start the inning if you're going to pull the move with no outs?

* Apparently Chan Ho Park is still in the majors because he is now pitching for the Yankees. I'll go ahead and feel good about this. Chan Ho Park is their 7th inning righty set up guy? Honestly?

* Park just fanned Jacoby looking on a big, loopy curve. Ellsbury has done nothing good tonight, and I'll go ahead and say it: I don't like the uniform number switch either. He looks smaller.

* Dustin Pedroia knots it with a bomb over the Monster. This now feels like a game we should win.

* Wild pitch, wild pitch...8-7 lead. Watching the wheels come off like this for the Janks is quite enjoyable. "I still think he should have caught it," notes Morgan, referring to a ball that missed the plate by about ten feet. And now Joba's coming in. We've got plenty of time left for a brawl, folks.

* Clinging to a one run lead heading to the 8th and yes, I'm already preemptively sweating over Papelbon time.

* Okay, it took him nearly eight full innings but I think Joe Morgan actually said something relevant, raising the possibility that the Yankees middle relief might be a problem. Granted, this was after watching Chan Ho Park and Damaso Marte enter, pour gasoline on the infield, and set it alight, but still...a cogent point from Joe!

* Daniel Bard in the 8th is going to become really reliable and fun to watch.

* However, Steven Tyler in the 7th and Neil Diamond in the 8th is a little much for a Sunday night in April. Honestly. Meanwhile, my wife said that this comment makes me sound like my father. Which is ridiculous, because there is no way he stayed awake for either one tonight.

* In addition to the soft, gaping underbelly of the Bronx bullpen, it also warrants mentioning that anything hit up the middle between Jeter and Cano is a base hit. Any. Thing.

* Pap wraps it up in the 9th to finish off a lovely, come from behind Opening Night win. It wasn't pretty, and neither was the color commentary coming from the Big Red Idiot in the booth, but I'll take it.

Back to Oaklawn

Last night was the championship poker tourney at Oaklawn that I qualified for last month and I could not be happier with how I played. The key hand happened fairly early on, at my first table, when I made a nearly impossible laydown that kept me from going broke. I had pocket kings and made a standard pre-flop raise and got two callers--a short stack who was playing pretty conservatively, and an Ernest Hemingway lookalike who had already amassed a ton of chips and seemed to be playing a little strangely but getting very lucky. The flop was queen high rainbow, and I was out of position. I led out with an amount just big enough that I figured the shortie would raise all-in if he had hit anything, and that's exactly what he did. I knew I had him beat. Knew it. He either had something like pocket tens or jacks, or a pair of queens with a decent kicker. So he shoved, just like I hoped. Then Hemingway flat called. Hmm. I didn't see this coming, and I smelled a rat. I could not for the life of me figure out what he had here, but it just didn't feel right. I knew that an all-in over the top by me would get a call, and I really didn't want that. Add in the chance of the short stack also having a shot to draw out on me, and suddenly I didn't like my chances. So I mucked it.

The short stack had made queens, just like I thought, so I had him crushed. But Hemingway had flat called with Ace-Jack. He had a gutshot, a backdoor flush draw, and one over card, and he called a huge flop bet. Really?!? The turn was an ace, he rivered his flush, and had I stuck around I definitely would have been out of the tournament. It was a very unconventional fold, but it was early enough that I knew I could find a better spot to put my tournament life on the line. It turns out I would end up seeing Hemingway again at the final table.

I could never really get anything going. I was just clawing to keep my stack viable, stealing the blinds here and there. It was a really soft field, but the combination of my cards and my stack just didn't give me too many chances to get super creative. I got pocket aces in late position once, and after several limpers I popped it up to five times the big blind, just hoping to thin the field a little. From the looks I got you would have thought I stood up and took a dump on the table. Everyone folded. It was a very friendly kind of crowd, and everyone just wanted to see flops.

I think I was 9th out of nine in chips at the final table at one point, with Hemingway and another player that I knew from my qualifying round each holding almost ten times as many chips as me. Thus, I was ecstatic when the talk about making a deal happened when we were seven handed. The talk seemed legit enough that I folded a king-queen that I normally would have pushed with...which became painful when the hand would have made me quad kings. Finally, six handed, the deal was agreed on, throwing some cash to places 4-6 instead of just the top three. I kept playing solidly, chipping up with all-ins a couple of times before getting knocked out with pocket eights against a big stack's ace-jack, which made two pair. I was thrilled with how I played, honestly. I've gotten so much better the last few years and it felt great to see so many reads turn out right, and to recognize plays that I made that worked that I would not have had the skill or experience to pull off even a couple of years ago. It would have been nice if my eights held up, because then I would have been a real threat to get to the top three and probably heads up, but hey, that's poker. It was a fun tourney, I made some cash, and it felt good to play well.

The List - #119 completed

119. Visit the Oaklawn poker room.

This wasn't a hugely noteworthy list item, but I put it on there because they recently updated their poker room and it would be my first time trying out the PokerPro electronic tables. Oaklawn is a horse racing track with gaming, located an hour away in Hot Springs. Last week I left in the afternoon and went to check it out and I was pleasantly surprised with everything.

First off, I was trepidatious about the quality of the place to start with. This was based on nothing, really, just the overall idea that a casino located at a track in remote Arkansas had the potential to be pretty janky. It really wasn't. I didn't spend much time on the floor, but it was on par with non-Vegas casinos I've seen in Tunica and other somewhat small cities. The poker room had seven PokerPro tables and I was really impressed with how they work. They are completely automated and computerized, with every step of the game being run on the touch screen, from buy-in to cash out. You deposit funds at the casino's cashier and after that everything can be done at the table. I found the interface to be quite user friendly, which is good, since this is clearly the direction poker will head in the future. Purists will cling to cards and chips, but eventually it is going to be difficult to argue with the prospects of faster games, lower casino overhead due to no dealers, and lower player costs without having to tip.

I played $1-$2 No Limit for a while and then entered a qualifying tournament that Oaklawn was running--40 players, with the top four getting paid and the top three advancing to a freeroll in February that will include 30 players vying for $5,000 in payouts to the top three. The quality of the opponents was all over the place--some solid younger guys, some old timers, and some drunks that had clearly been betting on the ponies all day. I played my pretty standard game and managed to cash in third place, meaning I've got a seat in the big freeroll in a few weeks. I look forward to coming back with a shot to take down a nice chunk of change.

The List - #145 completed

145. Sing in public.

This was one from the Esquire list, and honestly, one I never really gave a thought to, for reasons that are pretty simple: I don't sing. But a perfect storm of circumstances took place on October 3, at The Foundry, in Boulder, Colorado. The ingredients were, in no particular order: about six hours of drinking at an open bar, the natural mood enhancement that comes from a dear friend's wedding, an accommodating, super-cool cover band backing me, and perhaps the one and only chance to release my inner James Hetfield in front of a friendly crowd.

So yes. At the end of the night, at the culmination of a wedding reception that was a party at a bar, I took the mic and rocked "Enter Sandman." And I loved every minute of it. And apparently, I didn't even suck. Now, there's no telling if my friends would actually tell me if I did. But I think I really pulled it off.

That was amazingly fun.

Podcast with Erik Rebich

Podcast #3 is a chat with the man getting married next week, Erik Rebich. Check it out for breaking news about the golf pairings, plans in case a last-minute escape happens before the ceremony, thoughts on the Broncos 2-0 start, and more.

Download or listen here now!

Patriots thoughts

I thought about writing this last night, but then it would have just been an angry rant about how the Patriots really should have won the game. But as much as it pains me to say this, the Jets deserved this one, and strangely enough, the blame goes to the Pats offense. Simply put, any time the 2009 Patriots hold their opponents to a total in the teens, we need to win. Period. Repeatedly settling for field goals just isn't going to cut it, and yesterday was a prime example of that. So what was the problem? There were two, really.

1. Play calling. When the Patriots are lighting the scoreboard up like a Christmas tree, they often do it with an exotic array of formations and play calling, and yet they went a hard 180 degrees the other way against the Jets. Former Boston Globe and new ESPN Boston Pats beat man Mike Reiss does an excellent job of breaking down specific play participation information after each game, and he noted that the Pats used the one back, one tight end, three receiver alignment on 76 of 77 offensive snaps yesterday. This is partially due to injuries...but it's still insane. When you know that an opponent is going to blitz as often as the Jets, you have to make their job harder by throwing different looks at them. People will be quick to say that missing Wes Welker was the biggest problem for the offense, but his rookie replacement, Julian Edelman, had eight catches for 98 yards, and everyone would have been satisfied with that same stat line from Welker, had he played. Granted, there were a few times where Edelman had to be told where to line up pre-snap, but overall he had a very solid game and looked every bit like the Welker 2.0 everyone hopes he will turn out to be.

The other thing that mystifies me about the game plan was the lack of opportunity given to Kevin Faulk. He is universally viewed as the Pats best receiving running back, and he also has a reputation as a great blitz pick-up blocker. He was only on the field for 24 offensive snaps. I don't get it. I don't remember a single screen pass thrown his way, which seems like an ideal weapon against a blitzing defense. Faulk caught one ball for three yards all day. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I also don't understand why Fred Taylor wasn't utilized more, as he looked powerful in eating up yards on the few carries he had.

2. Tom Brady. Yup, I said it, because right now he's part of the problem. I thought his second half performance against Buffalo was evidence that he had knocked the rust off, but it's clearly not the case. He just doesn't look like himself. He seems skittish in the pocket, he's more reluctant than ever to scramble or tuck it away and run, and his lack of accuracy on his mid range and deep throws is remarkably bad. Sure, a lot of that is due to the defense that he faced yesterday. And despite all that pressure, he wasn't sacked once, and he deserves credit for that. But there was no rhythm in the passing game at all, especially any time he targeted Joey Galloway, who looked pretty lost most of the time.

It was a discouraging defeat, especially given how well our defense played in the first half. If the Pats had converted just a single one of those first half field goals into a touchdown, it might have been an entirely different result. I think the team can adjust, and I do think the offense will find its stride eventually. There were some positives to take out of the loss, notably Edelman's breakout game and Fred Taylor racking up 5.8 yards per carry. But the offensive play calling was atrocious, and that needs to change for this team to step up and move forward. I also think Tom Brady will be fine, but the reality is that he hasn't played in a year and it takes quarterbacks time to get their mojo back. I have confidence that he will, and when he does, this offense will begin to look like its old self again.

Podcast with Junior

I'm shocked how many people actually listened to the first podcast. Sincerely, I thought maybe half a dozen people would check it out, and it did much better than that, so I was more than happy to record another one. This time I talk to Chris "Junior" Rebich, who gives us more wedding lowdown (including the connection between Dumb and Dumber and what he will be wearing at the wedding), discussion of Shaw B's wick and fire levels, as well as his thoughts on the Rockies pursuit of a postseason berth and the troubling start to the CU football season.

Click here to listen or download it now!

Patriots preview

I am as keyed up for the upcoming Patriots season as any previous one I can remember. It doesn't mean my expectations are the highest, because we have had teams that were stronger top to bottom, with fewer question marks in important areas. So let's talk about those:

1. Brady's health. Obviously this is key, although as the team proved last year, it isn't the be all, end all of how the season will go, as evidenced by racking up an 11-5 record with a quarterback who had essentially never played before. It really sucks that the Pats missed the playoffs, because this was one of the greatest regular season achievements ever, and it got glossed over because we lost a tiebreaker. But for us to get back to the juggernaut of 2007, we need Tom's knee to hold up. All signs indicate that he is fine, and I relish the thought of watching him play with a chip on his shoulder and the idea, real or perceived, of having something to prove.

2. A big transition year for the defense. Core veterans Tedy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, and Richard Seymour are all gone. Outside linebacker is the position that concerns me most, but it doesn't seem like Coach Belichick feels the same way, as the Pats didn't do much to strengthen the area on draft day or through trades, aside from picking up hybrid end Derrick Burgess from Oakland. Trading away Seymour makes a lot of sense, as the 2011 first round pick could turn into absolute gold, while we were almost undoubtedly going to let Big Sey walk at season's end anyway. Jarvis Green has done a great job for us before, and I expect him and the two rookie defensive tackles to fill that spot by committee. The bottom line is that we need to generate a pass rush, and I have faith that The Hoodie will find a way to get it done. I also look forward to Defensive Rookie of the Year Jerod Mayo improving, which is a great thought because he's already one of the best linebackers in the game.

3. Can the offense match 2007? Wes Welker made some comments early in camp alluding to the fact that he thought this year's offense might be better than 2007's, which seems absurd since that was the best offensive team in the history of the sport. But he might be onto something, as the team has more depth and talent at running back, tight end, and possibly even wide receiver. They also have added some young depth to the offensive line. It's hard to predict that the Pats can match the sum output of that undefeated regular season, but the pieces are definitely in place to make a run at it. And that makes me really, really happy. Bring back the cries of the Patriots running it up--a charge that I think is absolutely asinine in a professional football league. Bring back the late game "eff you" touchdown. Bring back Tom Brady and company shredding the record books en route to an amazing season. I'm ready for all of it. Let's kick it off already!

Random annoyances of the week

Three things that are bugging me more than they deserve

1. The wanton references to any chosen fan base as "(blank) Nation." Sure, I'm a little possessive about this one, because obviously Red Sox Nation is the most well known, and it also happens to be appropriate. Travel anywhere and you'll find Red Sox fans. I was at a castle in the French countryside in '86 and ran into a kid my age wearing a Sox hat, and I ended up talking to him for ten minutes, getting a full report on Roger Clemens' brilliant performance in the All-Star game just days before, which I had missed because I was in Europe. That is a "nation" of fans. Throwing "Steeler Nation" around just because they won the most recent Super Bowl is stupid and annoying, and it really needs to stop.

2. Cell phone one-ear headsets. I know that people like these, and if I talked on my phone a lot I probably would too. But these people just remind me of Lobot from The Empire Strikes Back.

3. Americans that call soccer "football." Just stop it. Or move to a country that cares about soccer. Or better yet, just stop watching soccer.

Podcast with Shaw B

I've decided to spice up the blog that almost nobody reads with a podcast that nobody will listen to! Forget that Dos Equis guy, because in my first episode, I chat with the most interesting man in the world, the Minister of Fire himself, the inimitable Shaw Bolsinger. We discuss the upcoming event in Boulder Shaw refers to as "The Kentucky Derby of weddings," as well as the Denver Broncos and Shaw's outlook on their chances this season. If you know Shaw B, you'll probably enjoy it. He might even mention you.

Click here to listen or download the podcast now!

The List - #111 completed

111. Watch a Red Sox game from the Green Monster seats at Fenway Park.

Okay, this one was kind of a fish-in-a-barrel choice for the list because I already had the tickets in hand. But still. First off, I had never been up there. These tickets are ridiculously tough to get a hold of and the Red Sox hold an annual lottery simply for the right to purchase them. I got lucky in the drawing a couple of years ago but we weren't around at the time, so those standing room tickets went to my brother instead. He had a blast and it sounded like I would too, so I continued to take yearly shots at the drawing.

This year I lucked out yet again. Even better, I was able to get second row seats for a game during a time frame in which I knew we would be back in Massachusetts. The seats completely lived up to my lofty expectations. The view is unique, of course, and fantastic. But I was also pleasantly surprised at the relative comfort. As anyone who has been to Fenway knows, these seats were not designed with the proportions of a 21st century human being in mind. And since I fall, umm...well to the far end of that spectrum, suffice it to say that I have a rough time sitting in just about any seat in the house. But the Monster seats are stools, with enough room that I was not banging my knees on anything. There is also a little shelf-like table perfect for holding food, drinks, cameras, and the like. There are a pair of little concession stands up there solely for the Monster seats, and a nearby bathroom tucked away behind a corner as well. All things considered, these are probably my favorite Fenway seats I've ever had.

The List - #133 completed

133. Build a sandcastle with A.J.

Long time, no blog. We had a great family vacation to the Cape and we've just been getting situated since we got back last weekend. I thought that A.J. would have fun building sandcastles on the beach, and he definitely did. It was even his idea, one he picked up from an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when they do just that on the moon. He already knew which tools were required, and he began listing these off for me before we even left on the trip. "I need a bucket," he told me. "And a shovel." No problem.

Since this was his first time, we went with the basic castle architecture--four corner turrets each the size of the bucket on hand. This worked very well the first time, and it would have as well on sand castle day number two unless Little Miss Helpful came along to give us a hand. You know the type--somebody else's random kid that just shows up and starts playing. It was fine, although I always find this a little bit odd considering I have literally know idea who this girl was or where her parents might have been. But she did bring a bigger bucket, which helped.

Red Sox on FOX

The Red Sox week long meltdown has been brutal. I don't have any desire to write much about it now, but here is something from Saturday:

For a change FOX is actually blessing me with the Sox-Yanks game. I'm going to celebrate by keeping a running blog during the game. This is also simply to cling to my sanity in an attempt to refrain from jamming something in my own ears for having to listen to the stellar FOX broadcast for nine innings or, heaven forbid, longer.

3:17: The Red Sox go down 1-2-3 in the first. That makes it 16 straight innings without a run. Did I mention that I also have to listen to Smarmy Joe Buck and Clueless Tim McCarver call the action? For some inexplicable reason, there is nothing Buck enjoys quite as much as the misfortunes of the Sox. I should start drinking now.

3:22: Nick Green makes a great throw for the first out of the bottom of the first. The guy makes a ton of errors but occasionally he unleashes an absolute laser like that one.

3:23: Buck and McCarver are already harping on how bad Buchholz has been since his no-hitter. Cut to Youk botching a fly ball in left...right after I defended how he has done out there so far. Jesus.

3:24: Making a very large Captain Morgan and Diet Coke.

3:28: Clay whiffs Teixeira. And then he throws a curve at A-Rod's head...which hits his bat for a foul ball. Noted liar, cheater, and bush leaguer A-Rod tries to claim that the ball hit his shoulder. It did not. And somehow, this punk manages to become even more unlikeable. He then grounds out to end the inning.

3:34: Smarmy and The Moron wax poetically about the weather today. "This is almost like an August day in C.C. Sabathia's youth," babbles McClueless. What is that even supposed to mean?

3:35: Buck analyzes whether the Yankee Stadium booing directed at Big Papi is gamesmanship or disgust. How about both? Is there a different inflection or tone for one over the other?

3:38: 17 innings. No runs. No baserunners yet today. On the flip side, I have plenty of alcohol.

3:43: Clay's career road record: 1-9. And right now the Sox are competely unable to score. Reverse lock, so of course I bet on them today.

3:45: Nick Swisher grounds into a DP to end the 2nd. His habit of looking toward the heavens before every pitch drives me mental.

3:50: FOX sideline reporter Ken Rosenthal analyzes the black hole that has been the Boston Red Sox shortstop position since 2004. I'm a Theo Epstein fan, but this is a fair point. Rosey sums up Nick Green quite succinctly, stating, "Right now, this is what they have." In a related story, it's now been 18 innings with no runs.

3:54: We just got the first FOX promo of the day for Fringe. Chance that we will see the Fringe character known as "The Observer," aka The Creepy Bald Guy, in the stands at the stadium today: 80%.

3:59: McCarver on Derek Jeter coming up with two on and no outs: "He's having too good a year to be expected to bunt in this situation." Five seconds later, Jeter attempts a bunt.

4:00: He is still babbling about how the defense is "not prepared for Jeter to be bunting." I think the fact that they watched him bunt might be relevant.

4:02: The Sox turn their second DP, and it's a huge one.

4:05: Doucheface Teixeira gets the Yanks on the board with an RBI single, as Buck continues to slurp the entire Yankee starting nine: Jeter's "amazing year," Benedict Damon's status as a "gamer," etc. Sickening. Buchholz's control problems are even worse. Human Rally Killer A-Rod (last night notwithstanding) grounds out to end the threat. The problem is that a one run deficit feels like ten at this point.

4:09: Jacoby Ellsbury shows bunt to start the 4th, and I'm fine with him doing that every time until we score a god damned run. Jacoby then Ks. Sabathia looks on today, reminding me how unfortunate it is that I have to maintain such ill will toward a 6'7", 290 pound guy named C.C.

4:13: The Red Sox are 4 for their last 57. 19 innings and counting, by the way.

4:28: "It feels like the Red Sox are playing with a 30 man roster right now," opines the genius McCarver. We're starting Kevin Youkilis in LF, we picked up our backup shortstop on waivers two days ago, we called up yet another bullpen arm today just to have someone able to pitch in relief, we ended last night's game with a kid making his major league debut, and we have no idea who is going to start in Smoltz's spot next week. Typical brilliant McCarver misanalysis.

4:31: Buchholz works out of another jam on a nasty changeup. "Buchholz has been pretty good," mumbles Buck through his gritted, Boston-hating teeth. One run through four in a park the size of a cardboard box against the most expensive lineup in the history of the sport. Yeah, pretty good. Jackass.

4:38: Buck has stepped up onto his sanctimonious soap box to rail against the perils of HGH. He might actually have a point if he didn't come off sounding like such a holier-than-thou prick, as if the fact that he speaks into a microphone makes him a guardian of the grand old game.

4:41: Big Papi draws a walk, and the Sox have their first baserunner of the game.

4:50: McClueless still can't believe we won the World Series in 2004. That's understandable since he probably doesn't even know what year it is now.

4:51: Clay whiffs Jeter. Buchholz looks like he might be getting stronger by the inning. He's hitting 94 on the gun and his curve is sharp. If we waste this kind of effort from him I'm going to be livid.

4:52: Damon doubles over Youk's head on a ball that a real outfielder might catch.

4:55: Teixeira walks. It seems like most of Clay's walks come immediately after something bad happened. This is a huge issue against this team in this park. He cannot expect to keep dodging bullets.

4:57: A-Rod is retired on an entirely pussified excuse-me check swing.

5:00: My son is screaming as Beth carts him off to the bathroom for a poopy attempt. Luckily it is loud enough to drown out Dumb and Dumber in the FOX booth. Clay gets Matsui on an easy grounder to end another threat.

5:04: The Sox have no hits heading to the sixth. I'm calling an unlikely hero to bust this thing up. My money is on Nick Green.

5:05: Sabathia buckles Kotchman's knees on a nasty curve. Yippee. I still think he is a string of arm and knee problems just waiting to happen, and that his contract will be a total albatross within three years.

5:06: My unsung hero Nick Green flies out to left.

5:06: Jacoby singles solidly to center. Thank god that bullshit is over. Now let him steal twice so we can remember what it's like to have a guy on third base, since it's been about 20 innings.

5:08: Pedroia is called out on a foul tip third strike. Dustin gets a little hot and Tito sprints out, immediately inserting himself between the home plate ump and the reigning MVP. Why? Because we might have Manny Delcarmen playing second base if Pedey gets tossed.

5:09: Okay, I'm not going to lie: the GI Joe commercial with Kid Rock over it is all kinds of awesome.

5:13: Cano hits a leadoff double. If they score, a two run lead will essentially be insurmountable. That's honestly how it feels at this point.

5:14: Joe Girardi clearly feels the same way, as he has Swisher sacrifice Cano over to third.

5:16: Intentional walk to Melky Cabrera in order to face Harpo Molina. Part of the logic here is that I could beat Molina in a foot race, thus setting up a potential DP on any ground ball.

5:18: Sac fly for the Flying Molina Brother. We're cooked. If we come back to steal this one it will be the unlikeliest win of the season.

5:24: Red Sox 3-4-5 hitters this series: 2 for 32. Wait, and we're really not scoring any runs? Shocking.

5:27: Victor Martinez draws a lead off walk and C.C.'s pitch count is up to 100. Is there really a chance?

5:29: Youk follows with a hit. Two on, none out, Papi coming up. Yeah, this is a huge at bat.

5:32: Papi gets rung up on a HORRIBLE call. This brings up Mike Lowell, in the midst of his transformation into the Tin Man. Lowell hits a weak grounder to second and despite Youk making a great take out slide, Jeter still has enough time to hop over Youk, land, and throw Lowell out at first. That was absurd.

5:36: Clay is done for the day. Can't ask for much more from him. Oh, and Youk appears to have banged himself up a little on that slide. Great, that's exactly what we need. "He has an owwie on his knee," observes A.J. as Youk tries to get loose in left.

5:41: Ramirez drills A-Rod in the elbow armor and is ejected immediately. This is insane. Pedroia got thrown at not once but TWICE Thursday night. We're activating guys off the street and we just lost one of our set up guys after one out. Absolute bullshit.

5:48: I don't want to say that our pitching staff is in a shambles, but for the second straight game we have a relief pitcher entering a game in a huge spot to make his season debut. Welcome to the party, Enrique Gonzalez!

6:01: Wheels are coming off.

6:05: 3-0. Could have been worse. Sabathia is still in, heading to the 8th.

6:08: When you are in dire need of runs, seeing "Drew, Kotchman, and Green due up" does not exactly inspire a world of confidence.

6:10: Sabathia is done, and gets a big hand. Sure, he was great, but this doesn't make me resent and hate the obnoxious, entitled New York fans and their credit card franchise any less.

6:20 Jeter hits an absolute garbage homer into the right field seats of this putrid band box. I'm done. No reason to record any more of this. The bottom line is that the Red Sox just need to wrap up this series, limp home, lick their wounds, and get back on track. I really think they are still a playoff team. We'll see if they eventually start playing like it.

Predictable Shaughnessy Bullshit

I feel bad even acknowledging the absolutely predictable, "the sky is falling" column from Dan Shaughnessy in today's Boston Globe. But I'm really pissed about how the Red Sox are playing right now, so instead of ripping them, let's delve into this piece of shit columnist and his latest paint-by-numbers negative horseshit.

In Reverse Gear And Skidding Fast

CHB: "...Kevin Youkilis in left." He drops this bon mot in the first sentence, as if it is some sort of mortal baseball sin to throw Youk out there in LF. In his career, Youk has ventured into the outfield on 21 occasions...and handled 43 total chances without an error. Is he Willie Mays in the outfield? Of course not. But so far it has not presented even the slightest hint of a problem having Youk out there. CHB brings up the simple statement "Youkilis in left," again, hammering away at a point that just doesn't exist.

CHB: "And the Red Sox are sinking like a stone in the American League East." The Red Sox are 3.5 games back. If the season ended today, they would be in the playoffs. They have a 2.5 game edge over the next closest team behind them in the division. They have the 4th best record in all of baseball. In other words, this statement is vintage, baseless Shaughnessy Chicken Littling.

CHB: "Casey Kotchman had just made everyone forget Adam LaRoche (who?) with a two-run homer that gave the Sox a 3-1 lead in the top of the inning." This is just shitty writing. His snide insertion of "who?" takes any steam out of his shaky attempt at making a point to begin with. This sentence is complete nonsense, and yet it still manages to make Shaughnessy come off negatively, even while mentioning a positive occurrence for the Sox. Typical of his work. What an asshat.

CHB: "Then it was over, faster than you could say, “Fireball Fred Wenz.’’" This is a reference to a pitcher that played in all of nine total games for the Red Sox over 40 years ago. Worthless.

CHB: "Everybody loves Smoltz the way Everybody loves Raymond." Lazy reference to a sitcom that has been off the air for over four years.

CHB: "Suddenly the thought crosses the mind that the Red Sox might not even make the playoffs. It happened to the Patriots. It can happen to Boston’s baseball team, too." Entirely contrived point, and completely, 100% irrelevant. One thing has absolutely nothing to do with the other. It warrants mentioning that the Patriots lost their starting quarterback in the first quarter of the season and still tied for the best record in their division. However, Shaughnessy would never let facts get in the way of him taking an unwarranted dig at a local player or team. What a dick. Seriously.

CHB: "Lastly, there is the matter of one Big Papi (.222), who went 0 for 5; he is 0 for his last 16 and 1 for 19 since those first two games after the disclosure that he is on The List." Statistical cherry picking at its finest. Why the odd phrasing "since those first two games after the disclosure?" Because Big Papi homered in those first two games. Is CHB actually saying that the reveal of the list didn't start wearing on Ortiz until after those first two games? No, he just wants to spoon feed the readers more negative bullshit, which he can't do as strongly as he would like by using the actual statistics. This is beyond being a negative douche. It is basically literary fraud.

I hate Shaughnessy so much because his entire career is based on wallowing in negativity, and yet he can't even do it creatively. It's like a retarded monkey doing Mad Libs at this point. But instead of "noun, verb, and adjective," we get "statistical manipulation, spineless irrelevant dig, and worthless conjecture and hyperbole." He needs to go away. The world, and especially the world of a Boston sports fan, would be much better off without his stinking presence.

Viewing confessional

Somehow Beth and I got to talking about Catholicism recently, and that got me thinking that I should confess to some of my recent viewing sins. Here they are:

I watched 66 episodes of Entourage in about a week and a half. Yes, this is kind of sad. Even sadder when you learn that I had already seen every episode in question at least once. I honestly didn't plan to do this, so here is how it happened. I picked up the DVD set of season five and watched it all to prepare for the new season that began a few weeks ago (I am a huge dork and I always rewatch the previous season before a new one begins). But I really got back into it so I decided to go all the way back to the first season and then just plowed through the rest of them...all 66 episodes.

I DVRed and fully enjoyed Dating In The Dark on ABC. If you haven't seen it, it really is worth checking out. Three guys and three girls get to meet and date each other without ever seeing what the other person looks like. It's not nearly as cheesy as it sounds. Sure, there is some dark room groping going on, but it is compelling to watch these people develop feelings for each other without base physical attraction as a component. The producers have done a good job of throwing the contestants a little bone here and there: one episode had a sketch artist come in to draw what the people thought each other might look like. The following week, the guys were allowed to look through the ladies's luggage to learn about them, and vice versa. By the end of each episode, each participant picks another that they want to meet--after finally having gotten a look at them. This results in a person waiting anxiously on a balcony, hoping that the mate they have selected still digs them in the daylight. In the event that the match wants to bail, the poor sap on the balcony literally has to watch the person snub them and leave through the front door. As summer garbage programming goes, this is pretty solid.

I also eagerly recorded and watched More To Love on FOX, also known as "The Fatchelor" or "Fat Bachelor." It's exactly what it sounds like--The Bachelor, but with overweight people. Luke checks in at around 6'3" and 330 pounds, according to the on-screen measurements that they shamelessly flash very frequently. He isn't morbidly obese, just a little hefty. And there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Ahem. Anyway, he seems like a genuinely good guy. His female companions seem to have quite a weight range, from around 180 pounds up to nearly three bills. There are some that certainly don't qualify as "fat," and there are a few that are quite beefy. Naturally, all of their heights and weights are gratuitously displayed too. Judging from the first episode and the season previews, it seems like they are playing this straight, and it's simply a bigger guy that appreciates full-figured women. HOWEVER, we are talking about the FOX network here, and so I am fully expecting some sort of "shocking twist," in which they try to tempt the guy with thinner, hotter women. And if they do this, it will be completely disgusting. I feel bad enough for some of these contestants as it is. Most of the ladies clearly have major issues about their weight, and some of the poor girls admit to never having been on a date before. So I'm sure doing so in a contrived setting for the viewing pleasure of millions of people will do wonders for their confidence.

I don't know why, but watching this show makes me feel bad. And it shouldn't. I'm overweight, so that isn't it. The guy seems very genuine, and kind, so no issue there. And so far, every single one of the ladies appears to be, in dating show parlance, "there for the right reasons." But something about it just feels wrong. I can't really place my finger on it, but maybe it will become clear after a few more episodes. And yes, I will certainly be watching more.

The List - #96 completed

96. Paint AJ's room.

I have never painted a room before. The only thing even close was helping my mom take down some old wallpaper in our former house in Chatham, and that was nearly twenty years ago, and honestly the only thing the two have in common is that they both involve bedroom walls. When we moved into our current house, we had professionals paint several rooms and they did a great job. But it seemed like we could handle doing one room ourselves. So we had at it.

My brother was in town a month ago and he helped me with the primer. Reverse that--I helped him. He was a machine and he actually did most of it. I didn't anticipate that it would tire me out so quickly, going from the high spots to the low, climbing up and down on the ladder, straining to reach the corners, mashing the roller to get every drop of paint out--it was kind of a workout. Anyway, we got it primed and I just didn't want to commit to jumping in for the final painting job, until I was feeling it this weekend. I think it came out pretty well, and now that I know I am capable of it, I'm sure that I'll get drafted to do the same thing in the nursery before the little girl arrives in November. And that's fine. Painting rooms for the kids makes me feel especially dad-like, even if I am still picking the paint flecks off my skin two days later.

The problem with Potter

On Friday evening Beth got her grandmother to come babysit AJ and we went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I love the books. I kind of like most of the movies. This one was made perfectly competently, but the ultimate problem is that trying to cram all of that rich, detailed writing into one two and a half hour flick always results in the same thing: the feeling that you've just had someone describe what it was like reading the Cliff Notes of that particular book. Prisoner of Akzaban seems to be universally viewed as the best of the movies thus far, and yet it's my least favorite. It might be great if you've never read the books, but I'll never know. Strangely, I think Chamber of Secrets is one of the best of the movies, and I'm almost positive it's my least enjoyable book of the series.

As for the recent offering, I've been writing a lot lately and that led me to watch it thinking about decisions that the writer made. There were some odd omissions and choices, to say the least. But really, it's a thankless task for the screenwriter. If he sticks to the material, the result invariably gets dubbed as "slavish to the source material," or some other nonsense. If the script veers too much in another direction, then it just infuriates the fans. There's no way to do it perfectly. Actually, there might be: film it as a cable series, with about a dozen episodes dedicated to each book. I think that could do the trick, and I really wonder if someone will attempt that some day.

Despite the fact that I think not one of the movies has hit it out of the park yet, they might have a shot of doing so with the upcoming, two part Deathly Hallows in 2010 and 2011. I'll be getting a baysitter then too.