Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Last Comic Standing - July 12 recap


Through its lengthy auditions and semi finals rounds, the current season of NBC’s Last Comic Standing has given us some hilarious highs, a few painful lows, and a monkey running a lighting board for no apparent reason.  They’ve also given us ten solid, unique stand up comedians that have advanced to the finals to compete for the title, a quarter million bucks, and spot on a Last Comic Standing national tour.  Now, I’m guessing more than just the winner will be appearing on that bill, but the more prizes they can list, the better, right?  Let’s get to it.

Craig Robinson didn’t need to do much to fire up the audibly enthusiastic crowd in the theater, but he did anyway.  The ten finalists were each introduced, and we got right into the show.  I quickly saw that the sage trio of judges was notably absent.  This worried me for a moment, but Natasha Leggero stated on Twitter that it was just a one-week break and they will all be back next week.  I have enjoyed their presence and feedback throughout, and I eagerly look forward to seeing them get a little more critical as the competition moves on.

Laurie Kilmartin led off the night, sticking to the kind of material that got her here: jokes about relationships and her young son.  She discussed how her recent breakup didn’t hurt her as much as learning that her ex cheated on her with someone that couldn’t spell.  “How can you sleep with someone who thinks there’s an A in ‘tomorrow?’” she asked.  She went on with some funny bits about her boy, and the uncomfortable situations that can arise with him.  “They say prison robs you of your dignity,” she stated.  “So does having a three-year-old watch you on the toilet.”  Overall, I thought Laurie was funny, but not the best that she has been.  The audience was really into it, so much that it seemed like their responses occasionally threw off the timing of some of Laurie’s jokes.  However, she was very comfortable and it was a solid set.

Our votes count this week, and our humble host took a moment to remind us.  “It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor or have the IQ of a dead squirrel,” he said.  Okay then!  Felipe Esparza was next with a lackluster set.  He began jumping from one downer of a topic to another: laying in bed feeling like a loser, getting arrested, and the lack of celebration that comes with receiving a GED.  Any of these topics could have been funny, but they didn’t work for me tonight.  His best line of the evening came in a reference to America’s neighbors to the south, and how they could aid in the Iraq war:  “Mexico wants to help but they need a ride over there.”  Felipe has definitely been better before, and not to sound like one of the judges during a rare negative critique, but he just didn’t connect with me tonight.

Roy Wood Jr. followed, explaining how he has failed on this show twice before.  Looking to avoid the hat trick, he began with a bit about his experiences at a sports bar.  This could have worked, aside from an odd anti-swimming tangent.  “You want to make swimming fun to watch, put a gator in the pool,” he implored.  And while I like that idea, I think the shelf life on “swimming as TV viewing” jokes expired about five minutes after Michael Phelps’ last race in the Olympics two years ago.  However, Roy redeemed himself with a funny story about getting ejected from a career day for telling the truth: that we cannot have everyone succeed.  “We need failures in America,” he explained.  “They provide chicken nuggets and lap dances.  I like both of them, those are important services.”  Roy was the third straight comic who wasn’t hilarious, but wasn’t awful, either.  Maybe everyone is going to fall somewhere in the middle this week.

Maronzio Vance made it four for four to this point.  I like him.  He’s very easy going and just fun to listen to, and while a lot of his bits are not classic set-up/punch line, it works for him. He opened with a joke about always wanting to be a super hero, but not being able to afford it.  And the man raised a valid point—Batman did shell out some serious bucks for everything he had working for him.  But he was a billionaire.  Maronzio was not, so he decided that his heroic alter ego would be Pay Attention Man—a character that shows up in situations like when the person in front of you has not noticed that the light has turned green.  The set wasn’t a riot, but it worked.

Rachel Feinstein likes talking about her family, and she excels at using voices.  This much we know.  Tonight, she did both again for her entire set.  She started off discussing her mother, whom she feels wants to be “ethnic” despite being “aggressively white.”  She portrayed her mother attending rap battles, watching the performances and judging them.  Then she talked about her grandmother watching rap videos at home, and getting into it.  This let Rachel use another voice, but all of it felt too similar to the jokes she had already done up to that point tonight.  We’re halfway home tonight and nobody has really impressed.

Finally, we’ve got a leader in the clubhouse, and it’s Tommy Johnagin.  He was the second straight comic to tell jokes about his grandparents, and it worked for him.  He discussed how his mother implored him to visit his grandmother because she doesn’t have much time left.  “Does grandma know that’s how you drum up visitors?” he asked.  He then discussed his grandfather’s recent auto accident: “He hit a beauty salon, which is a building that my grandma was in.”  From here he somehow smoothly transitioned to a bit about an incredibly ugly stripper, one so heinous that he wanted her to take off his glasses instead of her clothes.  Tommy’s delivery was great, and lots of the laughs came from the precise manner in which he nails his punch lines.  He was the best of the night so far.

Jonathan Thymius is an odd dude.  So far that’s been working for me, and he’s been laugh-out-loud funny more that once, but tonight he was just weird.  His best joke was simply the way he wandered onto the stage looking completely bewildered.  Maybe he actually was, because his collection of strange tangents didn’t work for me tonight.  His best joke was probably about the recent diet he’s been on for two months.  “So far, I’ve lost exactly…what…two months,” he said.  He’s better than he was tonight.

This show needed a little shot of energy.  Enter James Adomian.  He started off voicing his opinion on Aesop, feeling that the author of fables was a “judgmental icehole.”  Then followed a long-winded bit about the lesson learned from the tale of the tortoise and the hare, and how Aesop should have been impressed that two animals even put such a race together in the first place.  Hmm.  James then went for the big finish with an impression, a spot-on mimicry of actor Paul Giamatti.  The angle was that even when playing a character like former president John Adams, Giamatti cannot help but let his schlubby persona seep through.  The voice worked, but the impersonation went on a little too long and got almost manic at the end.  Still, this was one of the better showings of the night.

One comic that will clearly never lack confidence, on stage or off, is Mike DeStefano.  He set the tone for his set from his opening line, asking the crowd, “Have you ever noticed that the wrong people have self-esteem?”  His jokes followed in that vein, and the crowd seemed to enjoy it.  I didn’t love the set, and he really lost momentum with his closing bit about advice he gave as a drug counselor.  But people like Mike, and I don’t think he’s going anywhere this week.

This was an up-and-down night, but Myq Kaplan brought it to a humorous close.  Personality-wise, you couldn’t ask for anyone more different to follow Mike DeStefano, and Myq wisely commented on it.  “Like the last performer,” he said, “I, too, am a tough guy.”  If you’ve seen Myq, with his slight build, glasses, and striped, zip-up sweater, you can imagine that joke working.  This led him right into a run on being vegan; something he explained is “like a vegetarian but slightly more annoying.”  One of the benefits of the lifestyle is living a longer life, “Probably because we’re not invited to do anything fun or dangerous.”  Myq’s been funny every time, and this was no exception.

Craig brought all the comics back on and revealed the big news: we knew that our votes determined who would survive.  But next week we lose not one, not two, but three of tonight’s performers.  And after tonight’s show, at least half of the field should be nervous.  I’m sure we’ll get some American Idol style dramatic lighting and musical cues for the eliminations next week, but I do miss the Scooby-Doo mansion.  I miss the outright heads-up challenges.  I even miss Rich Vos ironing his pants.  But this is our show now, so call in your votes so things can get funnier next week.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Last Comic Standing - July 5 recap


Last week, NBC’s Last Comic Standing filled the first five spots for the finals round of this very promising and rejuvenated season.  This week, we saw another beefy two-hour episode filled with talented comedians vying for the five remaining spots, as well as some of the worst performances we’ve seen to date.  Would the producers fill those vacancies with the funniest performers, or specific personality types?  Only time would tell.

“Welcome to Last Comic Standing,” said host Craig Robinson, greeting the crowd.  “The best stand up comedy contest on NBC.”  Craig also was involved in a bit in which his spotlight kept moving on him, due to, wait for it…a monkey running the board.  Literally.  An actual monkey.  In a Hawaiian shirt, with a cigar.  Okay then.  The introduction of the judges was thankfully simian-free, and we got right into a lengthy night of semi final performances.

Batting lead off was Roy Wood, Jr., who had a complete grasp of the importance of the night.  “Everything that I’ve ever done as a comic comes down to this moment,” he said.  He started with a bang, getting laughs from his very first line about a bad date, and quickly moving on to his friends getting married and their overly lengthy wedding invitations.  “Look, is there going to be free liquor or not?” he asked.  From there he moved on to observe that in his current, single state he has no need for a will.  “All I have is a George Foreman grill and a Shrek 2 DVD.”  His material covered topics that many comics mine, but his take was fresh and funny.  Judge Natasha Legerro thought he was very original, and Greg Giraldo loved his style and point of view.

Next up was Fortune Feimster, who once again makes me feel the need to declare that comedy is highly subjective, because I just can’t stand her.  I didn’t like her before, and she didn’t do anything to change my mind tonight.  The bulk of her set focused on the unlikely event of her getting hit on by a guy.  “Which hasn’t happened since, well, never,” she noted.  Her humor just doesn’t do it for me, but the judges all loved her.  Andy Kindler thought she was fantastic, Natasha noted that she both says funny things and delivers them humorously, and Greg enthused that she is a genuinely funny person.  I don’t see it, but right now I’m afraid that she will make the finals, because the producers seemingly put quirky, distinctive personalities above almost everything else.  But I hope we’re past that this season.

Jerry Rocha continued the trend of heaping pre-set pressure on himself.  “This is easily the biggest night of my career,” he stated.  He began by taking a shot at himself and his fellow passengers on a recent flight; one which he observed was completely full of ugly people, a clear indicator that they were doomed.  “This is God cleaning up mistakes,” he said.  From there he went to a bit about calling his credit card company to check his statement, only to learn he was in such bad shape that the customer service rep had to call her co-workers over to look at the balance.  The lengthy joke focused mainly on the voice he performed, which Natasha found “very crowd pleasing,” while she also thought it was a little easy.  The other judges didn’t rave, either.

Guy Torry was the first comic that didn’t make reference to how important the evening was, but maybe he should have.  Instead he talked about how viewers probably know him not from his stand up, but his movie and TV appearances, which may be true, but is also pretty arrogant considering his resume is littered with D-list roles.  Then he proceeded to absolutely bomb.  His set was mostly political, talking about things that happened during the presidential campaign about two years ago.  This was met with repeated stone-faced shots of the judges and audience members.  Then Guy went for the big finish with a bit about attending a KKK rally.  It was the comedy equivalent of watching someone drown.  “Not all of the material was my style,” observed Andy diplomatically.  Natasha wisely noted that Guy simply repeated things loudly in place of punch lines, while Greg took the high road in saying that he knew Guy was capable of a better set.  I’m sure that’s true, because this one was dreadful.  Torry’s confrontational manner when listening to the panel’s critique didn’t help him come off any better.

The uncomfortable prior performance was still lingering in the Alex Theater when Jacob Sirof came on for a very funny set.  He discussed how many of his friends are getting motorcycles, something he is reluctant to do partially because of the less-than-hetero looking attire required.  He transitioned into a funny bit clarifying that he is not homophobic, and that in fact he enjoys hugging his male friends.  While they are sleeping.  And he is naked.  You had to watch it, but it was solid.  Natasha gave him kudos for performing admirably in the aftermath of the awkward moment courtesy of Torry.

Nikki Glaser didn’t fixate on the moment, but she did say that no matter what happens she is liable to cry either way.  She began by talking about breaking up with her boyfriend over Skype, and then followed that up with some edgy pregnancy jokes that were a little too much for some members of the crowd.  “I am pro life,” she noted after a stinging abortion-related quip.  “I’m just pro my life and a baby would really ruin that for me right now.”  The judges didn’t gush, but they enjoyed the set.

A lot of comics have simple, set up-punch line jokes that I can easily quote here and you get the point.  Taylor Williamson is not one of them.  He got laughs just walking on stage because he looks, dresses, and kind of sounds like he’s about 12 years old.  He had funny jokes about the breeding of labradoodles and an incident while driving, but it was all made better by his persona and delivery.  “You have a very strange mind,” said Andy, clearly meaning it as a compliment.  Natasha raved about his getting laughs before even telling a joke, and Greg respected and admired his unique stage presence.  The crowd loved him.

From this point on, let’s just assume that every comic talks about the stakes and the importance of the night unless I say otherwise.  Nick Cobb did, but he made specific reference to the big pile of cash that comes with winning, too.  However, it doesn’t look like he’ll be vying for it after delivering a set that underwhelmed the judges.  All his jokes were about his recent breakup, and while he wasn’t bad, he didn’t deliver as well as he could have.  “I don’t want to say it was a weird set,” said Andy.  “It was up and down a little bit.”  Natasha agreed, adding that she “wasn’t really responding” to the material, which Nick admitted was mostly new stuff.  Greg also said that his expectations were a little higher than what he saw.

Mike Vecchione relished the show for its good competitive fire, which is nice, since we know he is fighting to join a group that already has one tough Italian in its midst.  He started somewhat quietly with some Catholicism humor, but his set slowly picked up speed.  He joked about his father teaching him to box.  Or so he thought.  “He wasn’t teaching me to box,” said Mike.  “He just used to hit me.”  Natasha found him to be more clever than his looks would indicate, a subject that Greg touched on as well, noting that Mike succeeded in spite of this.  It was a solid showing.

I feel like I’m piling on, but we’re about halfway in and last week’s semis are killing what we’ve seen so far tonight.  Cristela Alonzo delivered another fair-to-middling set that gave the judges plenty of opportunities to deliver constructive criticism.  “I’m originally from the Mexican part of Texas,” she noted.  “Called Texas.”  From that point on, her jokes took a while to set up.  “I think you’re funnier than your material right now,” said Andy.  Natasha noted the long waits between payoffs, as did Greg.  “You’re using a lot of words to get to the big punch line at the end,” he said.

Kurt Metzger explained that he was a little nervous, but that he probably shouldn’t be because he’s pretty awesome at stand up comedy.  And maybe he is, but his routine entirely about Tiger Woods wasn’t knee-slapping material.  It was all fine, but the problem is that I feel like I heard enough Tiger Woods jokes in the days and weeks immediately following the whole scenario, and Metzger’s take wasn’t fresh or unique enough to get me laughing.  Andy agreed somewhat, noting that it is tough to do Tiger Woods jokes at this point without sounding pedestrian.  He still liked it, however, as did Greg, calling Kurt a “funny, funny dude.”

Laurie Kilmartin discussed how it can be tough admitting that she really wants to be liked, but after her set tonight, I think she will be.  She enlightened us on her recent unintended pregnancy at the age of 41, and how when asked what she was using for birth control, she answered, “My age…When does this party end down here?”  She also took shots at the ridiculous people who said she would be prepared for motherhood because she had a dog, stating she wished it would be that easy so she could go to Vegas for the weekend.  “Could you stop by the house on Sunday and check up on the baby?  He’s going to be in the back yard.”  The judges all liked her, and deservingly so, with Greg specifically noting that she is a great joke writer.

Tommy Johnagin was a semi-finalist in 2007 and feared becoming a two-time loser, but based on his set he had nothing to worry about.  He was funny and polished from start to finish, including great bits about his sister’s ten and a half pound baby that looks like John Goodman, but from far away.  From here he analyzed how easy it is to conceive a child as opposed to something more mundane, like building a shed.  He wrapped up with great stuff about being single and some of the bad first kisses he has encountered, including one that led him to tell a girl, “Get your face away from my face…this is less of a kiss and more of how I eat a sandwich.”  The judges adored him.  Natasha thought she picked up on the fact that he might be a competitive person.  “Yeah, I’m in a contest,” he deadpanned immediately.  Greg complimented him on his ability to do so many things well, including painting vivid pictures with his jokes.  It was a really strong performance.

Claudia Cogan’s entire time was devoted to jokes about her day job, which is unfortunate, since it appears she’ll be keeping it for a while.  “I work or maybe that’s too strong a word as a temp,” she explained.  “My motto is, same crap, different desk.”  Similar jokes followed, and none of them excited the panel.  “It didn’t kill me tonight,” said Andy bluntly.  Natasha concurred, feeling that she needed to be won over, and wasn’t.  “That set didn’t really jump off the stage,” added Greg.

Maronzio Vance opened with a very smart bit about the problems one faces when applying for a job when the employer can check the applicant’s credit history.  “I thought that was the whole purpose of getting a job…so you can fix your credit,” he said.  “So that means I have to go work at Wal-Mart and save up to go across the street just to work at Target.”  He had more employment-themed humor, and everything was very funny.  Andy thought he was “really fantastic,” while Greg added that Maronzio was a great storyteller.  The whole set was distinctive and enjoyable.

In the previous round, Jason Nash made me laugh harder than anyone with his hilarious set about his three year old son.  He was great again here, with more comic gold about his wife and children.  He perfectly detailed the specific agony of sleeping with a baby monitor next to his head, while also nailing the moments that come with having a toddler, like hearing the boy say “F--- it,” and then having to explain to him that he was using that phrase incorrectly.  Andy loved the material, saying that Nash talking about his family was exactly what he needs to be doing.  Greg also loved his unique energy on stage.  “You’re like silly-happy,” he observed, “But creepy-sad at the same time.”

James Adomian brought some great enthusiasm to the show, discussing how certain people won’t even talk to him unless he has watched the entire run of a TV show, and how unreasonable that is, comparing it to having to read every issue of Time magazine.  But he really scored with a spot-on Gary Busey impersonation.  We haven’t seen many impressions in this competition, but this was so good that he had people calling out for more, indulging Craig’s request for Jesse “The Body” Ventura, as well as George W. Bush.  Natasha noted that it wasn’t just the accurate and funny voice imitations, but the strong point of view that made these work.

Carmen Lynch was another comic with a very distinctive voice, both literally and figuratively.  She talked about her sister’s new baby, and her thoughts on the little one crying.  “What are you crying about anyway?” she asked.  “You just got here, you’re two hours old.”  Andy enjoyed the unique perspective but felt that a lot of the material was just almost there, but not quite, a sentiment I agreed with.  Greg wisely observed that Carmen’s original manner allows her to be likeable and mean at the same time.

Brian McKim is very smooth and fun to listen to, so it was nice to watch him wrap up the night’s performances.  His easygoing persona works with bits like his description of a recent trip he took.  “I got off the plane recently in Phoenix, Arizona.  It was 114 degrees,” he said.  “I decided to cool off in the hotel pool.  It was 113 degrees.  I was swimming near the five year olds because when they peed it was cooler.”  Andy aptly described the set as “smooth sailing,” and both Natasha and Greg liked the delivery style and stage manner.  And once again, we have to give credit to the fantastic panel of judges for the job they have done throughout the season.  They are all funny, they know what they’re talking about, and they can actually give worthwhile feedback to the contestants and entertain us at home at the same time.

Decision time.  Anxious waiting in the green room, contestants divided into groups to linger much longer than necessary on stage to find out who moves on…you know the drill by now.  Unlike NBC, I can skip the theatrics and cut to the chase.  Your last five finalists are: James, Roy, Laurie, Tommy, and Maronzio.  I’m crushed that Jason got cut, because he has made me laugh out loud every time he’s gone up.  But we’re back to the subjective comedy angle again, because his material about his wife and kids hits me right where my life is right now.  I can’t complain too much, because the five comics that did advance are all deserving, funny performers that made it on the merit of their performances.  We didn’t get anyone terrible railroaded through as has happened so many times before on this show.  So here we are.  We’ve got our final ten comics, and next week, the show truly begins and your votes start counting.  Let the funny business continue.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The List - #101 completed

101. Organize all the books in the library.

On the surface, this seemed like a pretty easy one. But like most items on The List, it was tougher than it appeared. There were a couple of factors that contributed to this: that we had book in several locations, and that Beth and I are both particular (and stubborn) about even little things, like where to put our books.

I started the job and the master plan was to have fiction on one side, non fiction on the other, and a big row of cookbooks in the middle. That is basically what we went with, aside from a small section of Southern Writing, both fiction and non fiction, together. I started strong but ran out of steam and patience partway through the job. Beth picked up the slack from there, doing a lot of the hard core sorting midway through. Then I came on strong at the end to finish up. We're happy with how it looks. So, that's about 2% of our house that is now neat and organized. 98% to go!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Last Comic Standing - June 28 recap

NBC’s Last Comic Standing tempted us with surprisingly palatable audition rounds, building expectations for this show higher than they have been in years. But as we have seen here too often before, many comics can be funny once for a couple of minutes before growing tiresome and letting us down. In fact, that very pattern hasn’t been enough to prevent someone from winning this competition. Say, in the first season, for example. The semi finals have arrived, where we get more of everything: new material, longer sets, and a better chance to judge how funny the contestants really are.

Host Craig Robinson kicked things off at the historic Alex Theater in Hollywood, seated in a plush leather chair on stage, bathed in ominous light. He looked and sounded like a vintage Bond villain as he asked, “Who will survive? Who has what it takes to make it? Why am I holding this cat?” He informed us that the top 20 audition performers had advanced to this point, and that “only the funniest” will move on from here. He didn’t quote an exact number, but something around 10 is a safe bet.

First up was Myq Kaplan, he of the interesting name spelling and highbrow material. He explained that his audition last season did not go well, leaving him as “one of the first comics not standing.” Things should be different for him this time. He kept his stuff smart, beginning with a great run on books and how authors fool people that don’t read by re-releasing their work with a different cover when it is made into a movie. He also joked about religious fiction, “Like The DaVinci Code, or The Bible…sure, The DaVinci Code might be real.” From here he smoothly transitioned into funny bits about people that believe Satan exists, but that he isn’t gay. “He’s horny and flaming, close enough,” said Myq. This year the three judges critique each comic after their set, exactly like on American Idol, except without any incoherent ramblings or anyone getting told they were “a little pitchy.” The panel loved Myq’s set, with Natasha noting that his “subdued, kind of intellectual” presence was not hampered at all by the bigger auditorium. He did very well.

Next was Jamie Lee, both excited and nervous. “I am quite terrified to know that millions of people are watching,” she stated. But she showed no problem with nerves on stage, delivering a solid set that began with good stuff about her rocky relationship history. “I used to date a comedian,” she explained. “And I guess I knew the relationship was falling apart when even our inside jokes were bombing.” Andy Kindler summed things up perfectly, saying, “I love your style and…not all of it hit with me, but when it hit it was really, really great.” Natasha Leggero was also positive without gushing. “I think you have huge potential,” she said.

Mike DeStefano made quite an impression during the audition round with his Bronx bravado, so it was no surprise that the attitude carried over here. In fact, he ramped up the intensity even further. “I’m not interested in making friends with anybody. I’m here to win and be a better comic than all of them.” I love the confidence, and yet I’m shocked that he, of all people, was the first one to spout off a classic reality show cliché. But unlike most idiots that have uttered something like that before, coming from him it just sounded genuine. That’s really who he is. Give us more, Mike. “I want to make it so that I’m so good that if I don’t win that the audience will just light the theater on fire.” That’s what I’m talking about! He brought the same feel to the stage, talking about his upbringing, when everyone acted Italian, including a Chinese friend named Carmine. He talked a lot about his family. “My father was a gambler,” he said. “We were rich seven times.” The crowd and the panel really enjoyed it. “Great material, great point of view,” said Greg Giraldo succinctly.

Kyle Grooms is one of the more seasoned performers in the field, yet he admitted that tonight’s show would have his biggest audience ever. He was very comfortable on stage, with jokes about how derisive people are about his home state of New Jersey, claiming that it is “up there with Iraq.” However, apparently the situation is even worse elsewhere. “Detroit’s doing so bad that Haiti’s throwing them a benefit concert.” He didn’t hit anything out of the park, but was very solid. “Do people really hate Jersey that much,” asked Natasha, “Or is it just Snooki?” Greg continued piling onto the Garden state. “I think Jersey sucks too, I agree with you 100%,” he joked.

Shane Mauss was the night’s first polarizing performer. “It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at in my life,” he said of stand up comedy. “I have to make this work.” Well, kudos to him, then, for not compromising at all, jumping right into a very dark run about waiting a long time in line for an amusement park ride and then hearing that later a woman on the same ride lost both her legs on it in an accident. The audience seemed like they weren’t with him at the start, but he won them over by the end of his set, including a great closing line about the woman in question and how she will no longer ride roller coasters…because she doesn’t meet the height requirement. “The crowd obviously loves dismemberment humor,” noted Andy mockingly. “As we all do.” Natasha clearly understood where Shane was coming from as well, stating “I like someone who’s comfortable with a good groaning audience.”

Adrienne Iapalucci was thrilled that advancing this far meant she might have a shot at ditching her day job for good. “Sorry to the guys in the office,” she explained. “I love you, but not enough to hang out with you 40 hours a week.” Judging from her set, she doesn’t spend much time hanging out with her mother, either, despite living in her basement. She transitioned from that confrontational relationship to her trying job as a nanny. She stated that the kids she watched were so awful that, while she would never hit them herself, she “could kind of…coerce one into hitting the other.” Her mostly deadpan delivery was well received by the panel. She was unique and enjoyable.

Next was the imposing presence of Felipe Esparza, with his shaggy hair, scruffy beard, and nouveau-homeless chic stage apparel. The crowd loved him immediately, before he even finished his bit about the unsavory characters present on mass transit. “The back of the bus looks like the bar in Star Wars,” he noted. “I think there is a variance in the material,” observed Andy, before saying that overall he thought it was funny. “You’re one of these guys that’s able to talk about your real life,” said Greg. “And make it very funny.” This was a wise observation, because that certainly seemed to be the basis for all of Felipe’s material thus far.

Jonathan Thymius made no apologies for his motivation to this point. “Making it to the semi finals is huge for me because I want to be famous.” If he continues doing it like he did this week, he’s got a very good shot at it. He had one of the night’s best jokes: “So my wife called me a scatterbrain…I said, listen, whatever your name is, I want to find the car as bad as you do.” Quoting it here just doesn’t do it justice, because so much of the humor comes from his unique presence and brilliant delivery. He was so good that the crowd was already laughing during the set ups of his jokes. He ended by jokingly asking the crowd if they wanted to see a ventriloquist act. When they responded enthusiastically, he slowly removed one shoe and put his own sock on his hand…before holding the microphone up to his bare foot. Again, explaining this joke just makes it sound weird. It killed. “I love your delivery,” gushed Andy. “I don’t care if you’re insane.” Greg agreed. “You’re an absolute original,” he said.

“I really want to bring everybody into my comedic world,” proclaimed Lil’ Rel. I think he did that, but the problem was that it was just loud, long, and not funny. He performed one single, extended bit about a man’s desire to read his mother’s obituary aloud at her funeral. This isn’t exactly a comic goldmine of a topic to begin with, but Lil’ Rel’s decision to have the character he played repeat himself over and over made things even worse. The judges had been almost entirely positive to this point, so I wondered if this was just an instance where the material didn’t work for me personally. It was not. “You did one long bit,” said Andy. “It didn’t so much connect with me.” Natasha jumped right in and piled on, adding “Not only was it just one bit, but for even the first laugh, it seemed like it took a really long time to get there.” Lil’ Rel defended himself by explaining that he was performing character comedy. He then compared himself to Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor, and was struck by a bolt of lightning. Okay, maybe not the last bit, but…wow. That may have been what he was going for, but he clearly didn’t get there.

Jason Weems was another performer relishing the opportunity he had been given. “Tonight can be the defining moment that gets me…from performing for 18 people to hopefully 18,000.” He was clearly excited to be there, and that positivity carried over to his very first joke. “I have always wanted to point into a balcony,” he noted, doing just that to the fans upstairs. “I have made it.” From there he went on to talk about his day job as a kindergarten teacher, including one little girl who watched him intently as he ate a banana. “Ahh…he is a monkey,” the girl said, with Jason quoting her in a very funny, near-whispered revelatory voice. He talked about trying not to take offense, before realizing, “All that lets me know is you had a previous discussion on the possibilities of me being a monkey.” I found this bit hilarious, but Natasha said she had a hard time connecting. Apparently the audience agreed with me, because they voraciously booed her upon hearing that statement. “I thought you had some jokes that were really good,” said Greg, “and some that weren’t as good.”

Ryan Hamilton feigned confidence by noting that he could always return to his non-competitive valet parking job if comedy didn’t work out. But he won the audience over immediately with his self-deprecating remark that “I know you can tell just by looking at me that I’m a big risk taker.” Everything about him made this funny, from his gangly build to his, umm, “interesting” face to his voice that quavers on the verge of cracking. He then rolled through a funny, extended bit about his sky diving experience on a jump with an instructor who insisted on being called Tandem Master. “You’re already strapped to my back,” said Ryan. “I know who’s boss in this situation.” He had several other really funny jokes about the experience, but once again Natasha did not feel a connection…and again, the audience booed her. I thought she was supposed to be the Paula of the panel, not the Simon. Natasha did give him credit for his physicality, and Greg observed how Ryan got laughs merely by walking on stage. “In real life, that’s not good,” Greg quipped.

Paula Bel was a brusque, no-nonsense lady during her audition and that demeanor carried forward to her mindset for the semis. “I’m going to do what I like to do,” she stated. Her set featured jokes about how President Obama’s time in office is aging him so much that eventually he’ll look like Grady from Sanford and Son. She had some other bits that seemed to connect with the audience, but I noticed a small but distracting tic, in which she often seemed to stumble or pause slightly right before delivering a key word in a punch line. The judges didn’t comment on it, so maybe that was just me. But then again, the panel didn’t have much of a chance to say anything, as Paula shot down each of them with biting, funny comments.

Jesse Joyce looks forward to getting to celebrate his success in the “comedy locker rooms,” which is probably a place not many of us would ever want to go. He began with a funny bit about having played a comedian in a movie, and how movies never depict the profession accurately, comparing it to how a pizza delivery guy must feel watching a porno flick. Joyce then ventured into a joke with a very long set up about breaking down while driving in a tunnel, and then having to exit on an access road and return to the beginning of his trek. These semi final sets are short, and yet the set up to this one was so long that he actually asked the audience “Are you with me so far?” The payoff was strong, though, with him realizing that he was now sitting in a traffic jam that he had created himself. Natasha noted that his material would have benefitted from a longer set, and that was certainly the case. Greg seemed impressed with the attempt to do something different, rather than the rapid-fire jokes we had seen so much before.

Rachel Feinstein was another comic with a different approach. “I tell stories, I don’t so much do joke-punch line,” she explained. She had funny stuff about dating a guy with a unique physique, including his “pronounced hips.” She performed a couple of distinctive characters, showing talent for voices, which Natasha found fun to watch. Greg noted that some of the male audience members reacted “like filthy pigs,” when Rachel walked on. “It’s very hard to be hot, and get that reaction, and then be funny,” said Greg. “And you were.”

Many of the night’s comics commented on the possibility of exposure, but Kirk Fox let us in on a different kind completely, something he experienced when his pants fell off on stage in Tijuana. “I believe I exposed more there than I will tonight.” His strength is his unique personality and stage presence, and even he admitted that he thought he was funnier between his jokes than during them. However, his bit about knowing how he is going to die because his 100-year-old upstairs neighbor recently bought a .357 Magnum was very solid. “I love your energy on stage,” said Andy. “I love your approach.”

Amanda Melson wasn’t sure if she was most excited about the show serving as a chance for more money, better exposure, or just as an opportunity to prove something to herself. She led off with a very funny bit about her recent haircut, because her prior style had gotten “long to the point where I looked like I might have been home schooled.” She then transitioned into talking about working for a cool company that felt the need to be edgy in everything they did, including their clothing drive for the homeless. Greg summed things up nicely, observing that “Maybe it wasn’t the hugest reaction but I thought the jokes were really well written.”

Chip Pope finally gave us a completely new reason for enjoying being on the show: because it means he might not die in the same apartment he’s been living in for the past ten years. Chip explained that he is gay, but that his family lived in an efficiency growing up, so he couldn’t even come out of the closet. “I had to come out from behind the curtain that separated the living room from the kitchen.” He also had a very smart bit about imagining what Paul Simon’s latest song would sound like. It’s hard to explain exactly how Chip did this, but it worked very well, mimicking Simon’s vocal tone and songwriting style. “I’d never heard anything like it,” raved Greg.

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge new host Craig Robinson, who has been doing a great job holding everything together so far, with a quick quip here and a funny aside to the judges there. However, he might be at his best when he’s talking right to us. “You’re watching the show that I know I could win if it weren’t for these damn bunions,” he said. “Oh, wait, that’s Dancing With The Stars. That show sucks!” I just find him really likeable.

Alycia Cooper showed no ill effects from such a long wait to go on. “I’m just ready to do it,” she proclaimed. She opened with a riff on the current invasive state of airport security before making a simple request of guys everywhere. “Men, please stop cheating,” she implored. “You suck at it.” She followed this with jokes about Tiger Woods and his 18 “side pieces,” and their less than stellar quality, telling guys that if they’re going to cheat, at least “cheat up.” Greg was right in stating that some of the jokes were very funny, while others didn’t rise up.

David Feldman wrapped up the night with a wry observation about how he was thrilled to be a part of the 2500 people that reached the semis and really hoped to advance to the next round of 1500. Tonight’s performances were mostly very solid, but his numbers didn’t feel far off at this point, so I was just happy to see him do something different. David has a velvety smooth vocal tone, like a radio announcer or voiceover artist, which made his dark jokes about his daughters sound even more cutting. Greg loved the twists and surprises in David’s joke writing, noting that with that kind of stuff, the audience doesn’t even matter. “The crowd gets in the way,” David deadpanned. He was distinctive and memorable, if not an outright laugh riot.

That brought us to the end of the first semi final performance round. And while this show takes blatant shots at American Idol, they did everything aside from bringing in Ryan Seacrest to say, “dim the lights,” for the manner in which they announced the five comics moving on. Everyone was brought to the stage as a group, and this is where I first noticed something a little off. At the start of the show, it was stated that 20 comics were performing, but there were definitely more than that on stage. Around 23, I think. Now, I’m not going to rewind and freeze-frame this thing like it’s the Zapruder film, but I did find it odd. Maybe there were some performances that were actually a part of next week’s show, which would make complete sense.

Anyway, then Ryan, I mean Craig, divided the comics into five groups, having them step forward as a group one at a time. One comedian from each group advanced to what they now told us was the final ten. After this 3200-plus word monstrosity, I’m not going to list every member of every group for you, but here is who moved on: Felipe, Myq, Rachel, Mike, and Jonathan. There were a couple of cuts that I thought were kind of painful, but I was not surprised in the least to see any of those five move forward.

I’m still a little confused, because the previews showed essentially the same format taking place again next Monday. But my program guide lists a one-hour episode coming on Tuesday. I don’t know what to tell you, so I guess we’re in the dark together, waiting to see exactly how the last five spots get filled.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Food advertising pet peeve

I have always hated food items described with weird or needless adjectives, but that is just an attempt to make something more appealing, albeit in an odd and slightly annoying way. But there is a new trend that I just cannot get over: calling food items something that they're not. I'm not talking about "deconstructed" menu items, which seem to be all the rage on any televised cooking competition. That may be a little precious, but it at least makes some sort of sense, just presenting the ingredients in a new way. I'm talking about taking a defined food title that actually means something, and applying it to something else. Here are two examples.

#1. The Arby's "Roastburger." It is not a burger. It is a roast beef sandwich. Now, Arby's selling roast beef sandwiches makes all sorts of sense. Arby's selling a burger would also be fine. But Arby's selling a roast beef sandwich and calling it a burger is asinine. It is a sandwich comprised of slices of roast beef topped with things that often go on a burger. This is akin to selling a roast beef sandwich, splashing some salsa on it, and calling it a Roast Taco. No. Just stop.

#2. The Burger King Brunch "Mimosa." A mimosa is a delicious beverage mixing some sort of sparkling white wine, usually champagne, with orange juice. BK mixes OJ and Sprite. So, this is not unlike me mixing Hershey's syrup with seltzer and calling it a scotch and soda. Of course, if I did that, people would think that I was psychotic. Which this is.

The older I get, the more shit like this annoys me.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Last Comic Standing - June 21 recap

After three hours of audition episodes, NBC’s Last Comic Standing surprised many viewers by being genuinely funny. Could we actually expect more quality comedy from another audition round in New York City? Would Andy Kindler continue his great sartorial suggestions? And how does Greg Giraldo keep his scruff exactly that length all the time? Most of these questions were answered this week.

Host Craig Robinson caught viewers up with a quick “previously on” recap, explaining how the show is conducting “a massive search for stand up genius.” That might be stretching things a little, but after recent seasons we will be ecstatic to get a handful of comics that don’t make us want to claw our own eyes out. This was the final audition episode and it’s simply amazing that the show has found a plethora of worthy candidates, when in recent seasons they couldn’t find even one. This episode unfolded just like last week’s, with a series of tryouts at New York City’s Gotham Comedy Club.

Once again, we saw several solid comics right off the bat, including a few semi-recognizable faces. Kyle Grooms has been on TV a fair amount before, including on several VH1 pop culture specials. He’s a funny guy, and he advanced to callbacks on the strength of his routine about our current “beige” president. Another quality performer that advanced to the showcase was Nikki Glaser, who I just saw in an interesting documentary called I Am Comic, which is about, ironically enough, stand up comedy. She made it to the semis of LCS four years ago and admitted that she wasn’t ready then. She is now, with a confident, polished act. “I think we saw a lot of interesting individuals in New York,” said judge Natasha Legerro. “And the ones that were funny were really funny.”

Sadly, we were still force-fed the obligatory montage of the ones that weren’t funny, including but not limited to clowns, jugglers, and cross-dressers. Andy Kindler seemed to have tired of evaluating the sideshow freaks. “I relate to vulnerability,” he said. “I like a comic who sweats inappropriately.” Another thing that seemed to grate on him was a string of anti-Semitic material. Granted, most of it was done by comics that were Jewish themselves, but that didn’t make him any less sick of it. We saw him react to one Jewish joke after another before he pleaded for mercy from his fellow judges. “If one of the comics tries to round me up, will someone intervene?”

Meanwhile, Craig attended to the patient masses outside again, which this week included a telemarketer, a chef, and a post-op tranny. The talent was diverse on stage as well, where we saw auditions from a vegan, a husband and wife (performing separately), and the 19-year-old brother of comedy legend Chris Rock. Young Jordan Rock wasn’t quite ready for the spotlight, and the judges noted that his material just wasn’t up to par yet. But he was undaunted, promising to return as a funnier, more prepared 20-year-old next season. “The audition process is very difficult,” noted Andy. “I admire anyone that does it well.”

One “comic” who did not audition well was the unfortunate person inside something that resembled a Twinkie mascot costume. This turned out to be a painful advertisement for an upcoming film from NBC’s parent company, Universal. These kinds of product placement sellout stunts are more prevalent than ever now, and they range in tastefulness from mildly obtrusive to entirely offensive. This one fell somewhere in the middle, partially because the judges at least made fun of the whole thing. “Oh wait, this is the product integration audition,” Greg Giraldo noted. NBC’s not paying me, so I don’t need to repeat the copywriting that Natasha plowed through with a big, fake smile on her face like a good solider. Instead, I’ll echo Greg’s sentiments toward his fellow panelists: “Nice work, whores.”

The second New York showcase saw 11 more worthy comics move on to the semi finals. The aforementioned Nikki Glaser got a ticket, as did Kyle Grooms with a very funny and self-deprecating bit about his unintimidating name. “Kyle is a nice name,” he noted, “But it’s not a Mandingo black man’s name.” Carmen Lynch advanced, and judging by my highly unscientific Twitter research of trending topics and retweets, she had one of the most popular sets of the night, referencing her therapist throwing her off by using an odd phrase about being unable to put an egg back into a chicken. “That is the most distracting analogy I’ve ever heard,” she explained. “That’s all I want to do now…I’m going to find a chicken and I’m going to shove an egg into its chicken hole.”

Ryan Hamilton advanced on the strength of a bit that mocked New Yorkers and their perception that anyone between the coasts is located in the Midwest, noting “Everything past Jersey is corn cob pipes and coveralls in your head.” Jerry Rocha was thrilled at receiving a ticket, saying, “This is the only thing I’ve ever won in my life.” Mike Vecchione, Jason Weems, Nick Cobb, and Adrienne Iapalucci all moved on as well, as did the uniquely named Myq Kaplan, who had a strong set about his previous gigs at engineering schools, as well as a very popular bit about his desire to rename the nickname for a certain part of a woman’s anatomy. The final spot went to Brian McKim of the married contestants. His wife seemed genuinely more happy for him than upset for herself, which was nice to see.

And that is where we stand. Craig summed up New York nicely, saying, “We’ve seen a lot of great comics and a lot of things I never want to talk about again.” Auditions are done, and we move directly on to the semi final round next week. Based on the comedians we know have moved on, things look like they are right on track. This isn’t a murderer’s row of comic legends, but rather a group of unique comedians with strong points of view, most of whom seem to be legitimately funny so far. NBC producers could certainly pull some strings and assemble a lineup of finalists exactly the way they want it, but unlike seasons past, right now there doesn’t appear to be a lot of possibility for egregious choices to be made. We have a very solid group of talented comics, and the semi final round should continue to be humorous and entertaining. To this point, the show has been pleasantly devoid of the worst drama that tainted it before. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Last Comic Standing - June 14 recap

Last week, NBC surprised viewers by bringing Last Comic Standing back to their summer schedule. In an even bigger shock, the retooled show was genuinely funny. Was this a one-week wonder, or are we in for a funny season for the first time in years?

Host Craig Robinson was back with his keytar in tow, starting things off with another little song to get things going. We also got to see Andy Kindler and Greg Giraldo gently swaying to the beat, while Natasha Leggero exhibited some serious dance moves. It’s also worth mentioning that she looks like she might be about four foot six. The scene had moved to a round of auditions at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City, a hotbed for the American stand up comedy scene.

Right from the jump, Greg continued to demonstrate impressive chops as a judge as he informed the first comic about the manner in which a bad tag ruined a good joke. Shortly after this, the producers and editors elected to get the obligatory “New York/mafia/gangsters” stuff out of the way by showing one comedian outside a pizza parlor with his buddies, a motley crew that looked like they walked right off the set of a Scorsese movie. We were even subjected to a knockoff of Godfather soundtrack music over the bit. The comedian in question, Mike DeStefano, exhibits an intentionally brusque manner and he seems like an interesting guy, explaining that he used to be a drug counselor and, before that, a drug addict.

The auditions continued, and for the second straight week the talent level was high. There were some great jokes from people that didn’t even get callbacks to the showcase, like Kevin Bozeman’s stance on abortion, when he noted “I’m pro life except for like two times.” Judge Andy was conflicted on this week’s talent pool. “I was actually very happy with how many good comics there are,” he stated. “And then I thought the level of comedy sunk really low.” He might have been referring to the next performer, who took to the stage naked. The judges gunned him down mercilessly and deservedly. “This can be pixilated,” the comic stated, referring to his own junk. “No need,” replied Greg immediately. “It already looks pixilated,” added Andy. Natasha just tried to look away, but like an eclipse, she seemed unable to avert her eyes. At home we thankfully didn’t see anything but a black bar obscuring the area. It sounds like we missed something fascinating, though. “His groin looked like a hairy, brown version of a game show buzzer,” explained Andy in far too graphic detail.

Craig took to the streets to encourage the waiting contestants, asking some what they planned to do once they got inside. “I’m gonna do a whole bunch of foolishness,” blurted out one hopeful. Cut to the vintage LCS parade of weirdness. “Some of the people that come in are just crazy people,” noted Greg. “And for this competition, you need to be funny on purpose.” This observance could have been specifically targeted at a comic who entered in head to toe clown apparel and announced, “I might be the last comic standing, you never know.” The judges were not impressed. “No, we know,” answered Greg.

However, the good heavily outweighed the bad for the second straight week. That’s why I found it odd that the editing elected to dip back into the cliché well again. “When you come to New York you expect to see a certain amount of that typical New York style comedy,” noted Natasha. And judging from the montage that followed, “typical” meant “Italian.” It was a series of quick cuts featuring only Italian last names or big, bad accents. “Guess what, guys? You need more than just the accent,” she added. This bit just felt odd, coming on the heels of the prior DeStefano piece that was staged exactly like a scene from The Sopranos. It just seemed like overkill.

Something else beaten to the brink of death was, surprisingly, a ton of ventriloquists and their dummies. There were a staggering number of them, including one whose dummy had his own dummy. “The third guy was cool,” said Greg of the trio. “But for what I’m looking for, I’d say no.” Andy also had to offer a resounding negative to the ventriloquist who made no attempt to actually throw his voice, but instead just covered his mouth with his hand and a cigar. Thankfully, this minor interjection of badness was followed by another string of callbacks to several funny people.

At the showcase that evening, nine lucky comics won tickets to perform in the semi final round in Hollywood. Roy Wood Jr. was funny on stage and all business off it, noting that he immediately wanted to dig into his notebook after learning he had advanced. Tommy Johnagin was my favorite performer of the night, with some really funny stuff about his breakup after a long-term relationship. His delivery was great, even if his voice sounded almost exactly like Shia LaBeouf. Claudia Cogan demonstrated an extreme desire to move on, saying that she would do whatever it took, including turning into ten tigers on stage. I hope to see that next week, because she got a red ticket. Kurt Metzger was an interesting guy who seems like he’d be fun to watch in the house. Speaking of which, are we getting the house this year? Did NBC keep the lease on the Scooby Doo mansion? I honestly have no idea.

The final two of the night’s nine slots went to Mike DeStefano and Jamie Lee, a funny young woman who couldn’t contain her genuine enthusiasm at getting a callback, running through the aisles of the Gotham Comedy Club, wielding her ticket like a lottery winner. Good for her. Earlier she let us know that she had quit her day gig and put all her eggs in the comedy basket. Stories like hers are what this show should be all about.

After two weeks I’m beyond happy with the potential pool of finalists, and judging from the comics we’ve seen so far, there is little potential for casting drama. The semi finalists are so good that the producers couldn’t screw this up even if they wanted to—a claim that has actually been leveled in the past. Next week we get another round of auditions in the Big Apple, giving us even more talented comedians to contend for the final spots. Compared to the last few seasons, this has been an embarrassment of riches so far.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Last Comic Standing - June 7 recap

In the world of third tier summer television programming, anything goes. Case in point: Monday’s season premiere of Last Comic Standing on NBC, a show that has seemingly died more times than Kenny on South Park. They aren’t reinventing the wheel here, but if the first episode is any indication, this season has the potential to be one of the funniest ones the show has ever seen.

The affair kicked off with the introduction of a new host, and a genuinely funny one at that, Craig Robinson of The Office and Hot Tub Time Machine. He addressed the question on everyone’s mind immediately. “Last Comic Standing is back,” he announced. “I bet you’re wondering, how the hell did that happen?” Craig was nattily clad in an ascot and a smoking jacket—not the last one we’d see tonight—as he reminded everyone what the competition is about while plunking out a little tune on his keyboard. The grand prize this season is not just a vague talent deal, but $250,000 of cold, hard cash. Craig’s song ended, revealing an enthusiastic throng of would-be contestants behind him lining the streets outside The Improv in Los Angeles.

Inside, the comics auditioned for an entirely new panel of judges, and again, this season has made a tremendous upgrade by selecting Greg Giraldo, Natasha Leggero, and Andy Kindler, a trio of respected working comedians. Giraldo is a staple of the brilliant recent run of roasts on Comedy Central and his quick wit and experience are an excellent addition to this show. Kindler is another veteran, one who provided both valuable commentary and absurd fashion suggestions. I’m not as familiar with Natasha Leggero, but she was very funny and wildly charismatic. It’s no stretch to say this is the best panel of judges the show has ever seen.

The format of the show remained familiar, with the comics auditioning for the judges in hopes of being called back to another showcase performance. The night’s first performer, Maronzio Vance, set the tone for the evening. He tried out for the second season and admittedly wasn’t ready then. He is now, as he was funny and earned a callback. Lest we think that the nature of the audition shows has changed completely, we were quickly subjected to the vintage LCS parade of sideshow freaks, including a gothic killer clown and a man with an acoustic guitar and a devil costume, who was told succinctly that not only was he not getting a callback, but that he simply shouldn’t leave the house. “There were really some diamonds in the rough,” observed Natasha. “But I have to say, a lot of rough.” Unlike recent seasons, however, there were many more comics that could be seen as diamonds. Some of the bad ones were even good, like Kirk Fox, who pulled the plug on himself after a meandering tangent. “I peaked in the hallway,” he admitted. The judges admired both his sense of humor and his outright surrender. He was invited back for the showcase.

One frequent criticism of the show is that the producers often cast for types, not just for the funniest comedians, and those who think that will not be dissuaded by what they saw on Monday. We saw an at-home feature piece with Laurie Kilmartin, a single mom who has been performing for over two decades. She seems genuinely smart and funny, and she deserved better than some of the stagey bits they showed with her son at home. The show usually provides a handful of comics that I personally find tremendously annoying, yet ones I know will probably advance to the finals of the show. In this premiere episode, there weren’t many that fit the bill, but Fortune Feimster did. She also rated an at-home feature that consisted of nothing more than her dressing up and using silly, grating voices. To me, she was painfully unfunny. But she made the showcase, and I’d bet that she advances farther.

At the auditions, the good continued to mix with the bad. What I enjoyed was that instead of just outright awful, like the Buck Starrs of auditions past, this time we had comically talented judges critiquing overplayed, hackneyed stage styles and techniques. “I know what you’re thinking” was one line that they sagely picked on, followed by a plethora of performers trying to get a laugh with that exact phrase, usually at the expense of their own appearance or ethnic background. This was another point of emphasis for the judges, who observed how often current comics poke fun at themselves with bad jokes about their mixed race origins. Deft editing then revealed a veritable parade of just those kinds of jokes. The momentary lull left Natasha a little dazed. “Now I know why Paula Abdul was constantly high on pills,” she said in one of a handful of deserved potshots at American Idol.

Prescription medication may have helped Natasha weather the storm that was Edith Piaf, a pseudo-ventriloquist dog act. It was unique, for sure, since the dog in question was real, and the voice coming from it belonged to a woman with a microphone in the wings while another “performer” simply sat on stage holding the dog. It was as bizarre as it sounds, yet I laughed out loud at the canine that could have been Triumph’s long-lost cousin, and so did Greg. “I did laugh,” he admitted. “Because I laugh at anything weird or unusual.” Alas, Edith was not asked back.

But as the first day of L.A. auditions drew toward a conclusion, there was reason for optimism. This was an undeniably strong group, one so adept that humorous but imperfect comics like Guy Torry were left to wonder whether they were good enough. He had great stage presence and would have been a true contender in recent seasons, yet the judges observed that his material was not yet on par with his performance. This was a brilliant, dead-on note, and not the kind of wise comment we have seen often before in the early stages of this program. “The caliber of talent in Los Angeles has ranged from super polished headlining comedian to really unique voices who are about ready to break out and that’s what I’m looking for,” stated Natasha.

We were shown glimpses of fifteen comics performing at the showcase, although more than that actually took the stage. There wasn’t too much drama as 11 contestants were picked to advance to the semi-finals, with the lone bit of manufactured tension coming by leaving the single mom’s name to be called last. Unless this was your first time watching a competitive reality show like this, it was clear that she was advancing. The others joining her were a diverse, interesting, and mostly funny group.

Host Craig took to the monsoon-pelted streets of Los Angeles to do it all again for a second full day of auditions. There was plenty of crazy left for day two, including jugglers, balloon artists, and one guy dressed as an alien warrior, with an outfit complete down to a meticulously made up mask. “I think some people think if they put a crazy get-up on that they won’t have to write any material,” said Andy. Cut to: a guy in a furry suit on stilts. “And they are almost always wrong about that.” One flashy bit of styling worth noting belonged to Jonathan Thymius, a dry, older gentleman who took Andy’s joking suggestion to wear a smoking jacket to heart, showing up for his callback in a sparkly gold number that was a complete contrast to his personality. It was a great choice, and the judges loved it.

Showcase number two saw seven more talented performers picked to advance. I loved Rachel Feinstein’s unique perspective, Paula Bel’s sardonic manner, Chip Pope’s enthusiastic and infectious presence, and Jason Nash’s hilarious bit about his three year old son sounding like a World War Two general. After the first round of auditions, it is hard not to get excited about the prospects this season. It’s like watching a very talented draft class of athletes move from the college ranks to the pros, and after recent years so bad that I literally could not handle the show anymore, my spirits are buoyed. We have an amusing and enjoyable host, knowledgeable and hilarious judges, and several contestants that were laugh-out-loud funny. There has only been one audition stop, and we already have a wealth of unique comic voices to root for. Comedy is certainly subjective, but anyone who has watched the show before would be hard pressed to deny that, after this episode, it looks like a former train wreck is solidly and surprisingly back on track. Next week, the auditions move to New York City, and if the talent approaches what we saw in week one, we’re easily looking at the best potential group since the show’s heyday in seasons one through three.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The List - #53 completed

53. Spend one weekend eating only what we have one hand.

I took this one a step farther and did it for a whole week.  Reported with some details on my other blog.

I really need to get back to working on The List.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Fair share?!?

I just shouldn't go to CNN anymore.  I don't know why I bother.  I never really blog about politics, so this is just more of a vent, which I had to do for my own sanity after reading that Hilary Clinton says the rich aren't paying their fair share.  Seriously?  Okay, let's just take the most cursory of glances, done by simply Googling "tax bracket by income."

Taxable income from 34,000 to 82,400: 25%.  82,400 to 171,850: 28%.  171,850 to 373,650: 33%.  373,650 and up: 35%.  I'm not sure where her fictional "rich" cutoff is, but it's clear that the rich are paying substantially more than their fair share.  Even with a flat tax, the rich would pay far more than lower earners.  But with the current graduated rate of taxes, they pay exorbitantly more: a higher percentage of their income, and much, much more in total dollars.  Where is the fairness here?

And they don't get anything extra for these dollars.  It's not like there are high income bracket roads, or 35% tax rate public schools.  At least when you pay more for a good airline seat you get a faster check in line.  Her assertion is asinine.  Many wealthy people willingly choose to help those less fortunate than them.  It's called charity.  Clinton's blathering goes on to cite Brazil as an example to strive for.  Really?  Here are a few facts about this nation she wants the US to emulate:

* Brazil is not in the top half dozen nations in the world in GDP.

* Their biggest industry, by far, is oil and gas operations, to the tune of nearly five times the revenue of their next biggest industry, which happens to be mining.  How does this jibe with Clinton's environmental beliefs, I wonder?

* The 2010 Brazilian minimum wage is $510 reals per month, with an additional half month's salary in June and December.  This is the equivalent of around $300 US.  Per month.  Are we going to knock the US minimum wage down to $2 an hour in our pursuit of a Brazilian economy?

* Brazilian tax rates: 27.5% for everyone who earns over 43K reals (about 25,000 US).  Corporations get hit to the tune of 34%.

I'm looking for any part of this that looks appealing and I'm not seeing it.  How about we stop giving out mortgages to people that can't afford them, pass a flat tax, abolish the IRS, continue with a little free market system called "capitalism" that actually rewards success, and see how that works out for a while?

Friday, May 21, 2010

30 years?!?

It’s hard to believe that it has been thirty years since The Empire Strikes Back came out. Going to see it on opening night was one of the defining film-going moments of my childhood…and we didn’t even get in.

I was nine years old and we lived in Bolton, Massachusetts, a small suburban town without a movie theatre. Dad loaded up the whole family and we drove in to Boston to catch an evening show. There were certainly closer theatres we could have hit—Acton, Leominster, and Worcester were three of our usual go-tos at the time—but dad clearly knew that this was “An Event.” We parked in a big garage, walked to a busy downtown theatre…and got shut out about half a dozen spots before we were due to get our tickets. For some reason I don’t even remember being crushed about it, although I’m sure I was at the time. I’m not even positive when I finally did catch the movie, though I’m guessing it was on Saturday at one of those other theatres. But what I do remember is that Dad took me to Boston to see what ended up being one of the most important movies of my life.

My dad and I certainly have different movie-watching tastes. He is more discerning, and I’d guess that at this point he makes it out to a theatre maybe once a year. But he was a huge part of turning me into a movie fan as a kid, and I have vivid memories of many dad-related film experiences. We got a VCR very early on, and dad rented an additional one from the store on the same day that he came home with “Star Wars” and “Superman.” It was my first video piracy experience and nothing could have made me happier than having those two flicks at my disposal any time I wanted. This was shortly after our first video store rental experience: Dad came home with the classic (and recently reimagined) “Clash of the Titans.” My son A.J. is only three, and not quite ready for the full-on splash into big time action flicks yet, but I only hope that when the day comes he enjoys watching those kinds of movies with his dad as much as I did.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Random Fives

Let's wrap up the week with some completely random lists of five.

Five TV Shows I Am Perfectly Happy To Have Never Seen
1. Glee
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Any televised dancing show
4. Any show where some woman talks to ghosts or dead people
5. Ugly Betty

Five Great TV Shows I Watch That Deserve More Attention Than They Are Getting
1. Community
2. Parks & Rec
3. Party Down
4. Parenthood
5. Chuck

Five Bands That Are Apparently Cool That I Heard At Least One Song From and Didn't Like At All
1. MGMT
2. Wilco
3. Arctic Monkeys
4. Vampire Weekend
5. Phoenix

Five Singers/Bands I Do Like (might surprise some people)
1. Taylor Swift
2. Ke$ha
3. Katy Perry
4. Fergie
5. Paramore

Five Guys Currently Really Underachieving on my Fantasy Team
1. Raul Ibanez
2. Wandy Rodriguez
3. Clayton Kershaw
4. Hideki Okajima
5. Victor Martinez...hopefully the bomb last night is the start of something

Five Teams I Will Always Hate, No Matter What*
1. New York Yankees
2. Los Angeles Lakers
3. New York Jets
4. New York Knicks
5. University of Arizona Wildcats
* Unless A.J. ended up playing for one of them. Which is a blog for another day.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Red Sox Panic

The Boston Red Sox are cooked. They're a fourth place team that cannot compete with the athleticism of the Tampa Bay Rays or the big budget, loaded top-to-bottom roster of the New York Yankees. The offense is anemic, the rotation is overrated, the bullpen is a mess, and the much-ballyhooed defense is a disaster.

I don't believe any of these things. But it seems like I'm in the minority, as one or all of the above thoughts are the prevailing view of the Olde Towne Team at the moment. Have they played badly? Absolutely. But the grand proclamations that the very composition of this team was a mistake seem really premature to me. We're not even 30 games into the season, and the Sox have played a huge chunk of the schedule so far without their starting left and center fielders. They are getting sub-Buddy Biancalana production from the DH spot. Ace starting pitchers that are notorious slow starters have--shocker--started slowly! I'm not ready to flip the panic switch yet about any or all of these issues. Every team has concerns, and a few bad losses early magnify them.

Take, for instance, a club that looks, in some ways, a little bit like this one on paper. The team in question had three of their five rotation members post ERAs over 4.00, including two at 4.87 and 5.42. The top two set up men were each overworked to the tune of 70+ games with ERAs north of 4.00. The defense was so bad that a mid-season trade was required to stabilize the fielding at two infield spots. That one probably gives it away, but in case it doesn't, I'm talking about...the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox.

I know that the two iterations of the club actually have very little in common. The point I'm making is that it is easy to cherry pick stats to make just about any argument you want to, and it's even easier less than 20% into a season. Beckett and Lester are going to be fine. The DH production will improve, whether it's Big Papi hitting more or sitting more. The defense is the most troubling thing to me, because Adrian Beltre and Marco Scutaro have not shored up the left side of the infield like I thought they would, and since they are two guys I haven't actually watched a ton before this season, there is every possibility that they simply aren't the stellar fielders that their reputations had us think they were. The fact that Fenway's infield is horrible is certainly part of the issue. There's an old baseball cliche that defense doesn't slump but I disagree. I hope that it does, and that's what we've seen so far.

And they won 17-8 last night. You'd think after two championships in the last decade everyone could just relax a little bit. That's what I'm going to do.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Summer of '10 - stuff I'm looking forward to


There's lots of great stuff on the way this summer. Here are a few things I'm psyched about.

May 7 - Iron Man 2. Okay, so May 7 isn't even really summer yet, but the release of this sequel is definitely the start of summer movie season and I'm beyond excited about this one. I loved Iron Man, and everything great about the first one looks like it has been ramped up for the sequel. I couldn't be more in. I plan on catching it in IMAX.

May 18 - Red Dead Redemption for PlayStation3. An open world, first person game set in the dying days of the Old West from the makers of Grand Theft Auto. I've checked out some videos of the game play and this one looks absolutely amazing. I don't have time to play video games as much as I used to--sad and shocking, I know--but I will find some time to give this one a good run. My hopes are high.

May 23 - The Lost finale. I have no idea how it is going to end, aside from knowing that they have to bridge the island and flash-sideways worlds together somehow. I do know that there is no way they can answer every last lingering question or tie up all the loose ends. It's impossible. But it will be really entertaining to see exactly what they do and how they do it.

June 18 - Toy Story 3. First theatrical movie experience for AJ? Could be. I think he might still be a little young, so I may hold off until '11 for Kung Fu Panda 2 or Cars 2. But this might work.

June 27 - Entourage season premiere on HBO. Last season was pretty sub par and it could be the beginning of the end, but I don't care. I'll watch this every week until it's done. If that makes me a little douchey by default, so be it.

Mid-July - Family trip to Cape Cod. This is definitely a highlight of the year. Last year we drove, and the trip up was surprisingly painless. The boy was phenomenal in the car, and also did well staying in hotels for the first time. But this time, just like with anything else we try to do now, the degree of difficulty will increase exponentially with two kids instead of one. Courtney is adorable, but she can also turn into a little demon at the drop of a hat. However, at the time we leave she'll be almost eight months old instead of the five-ish she is now, and those few months could make a huge difference. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself, and it will be two days of sheer hell. But I really hate air travel at this point, and anything else seems like a better option.

August - The Red Sox move into first place in the AL East. This one looks wildly optimistic right now, so what better time to make a bold prediction?

Friday, April 30, 2010

Random


The frequency (or lack thereof) with which I blog is pretty pathetic. So here are just some random thoughts so I can at least post something and try to get back into some sort of blogging schedule.

* I saw Kick-Ass and it was almost mind-blowingly entertaining. I'm trying to think of a movie I've seen over the last decade with a more rewarding third act and I'm coming up empty.

* The Red Sox are back to .500, thanks to stellar starting pitching the last two games: Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz combined to go 15 innings, allowing just eight hits and one run while striking out 15. I still feel good about the composition of this team, especially once we get healthy. The starting pitching is strong and deep, and the defense can't help but play better than they have. If we need another stick or a power bullpen arm, then we'll go get it at the deadline.

* The Celtics looked pretty strong in the first round demolition of the Miami Heat. Drawing the Cavaliers in the second round is a nightmare, but I at least think the Celts will make it interesting. The C's were actually stronger on the road than at home this year, so if they can steal game one in Cleveland then the series could be epic.

* I love The Office and I still watch it every week, but if next year is the final season of Steve Carell's deal then that is the perfect time to shut it down and say goodbye. The last two seasons just haven't been as funny as what came before it, and right now the show is consistently running fourth out of NBC's Thursday night comedy block for me. They had a great run, but I'd hate to see them hang around too long.

Monday, April 05, 2010

2010's first Joe Morgan blog



It's the second inning of the season opening Red Sox-Yankees tilt on ESPN2 and I have decided that a healthy way for me to deal with my ongoing Joe Morgan related rage issues is just to blog about it. So that's exactly what I'm going to do, with no plan at all.

* In the first, a fly ball was caught for an out in front of the 379 foot sign in left-center. Hall of Famer Joe's crack analysis? "That's the deepest part of the park (beat)...as far as left field goes."

* Top of the second, Jorge Posada clanks a cheap homer off the Pesky Pole in right. Joe describes the swing using the term "hands" roughly 37 times. Then he speculates what the distance might have been. My son A.J. is three and I'm pretty sure he knows that it's 302 down the line in right at Fenway. As for the pole itself, Morgan actually asks out loud if it is nicknamed for former Red Sox shortstop Johnny Pesky. First trip to Fenway Park, Joe? Just a reminder: this is a Hall of Fame player on the number one baseball broadcasting team for the largest sports provider in the known universe.

* New Yankee center fielder Curtis Granderson absolutely crushes a home run to dead center field, over the bullpen. "That's why they got him, for his defense and his speed on the base paths," observes The Village Idiot. I would almost think he's making fun of himself but there is a zero percent chance that he is that clever.

* Okay, I have a little bit of a hard time not being able to root for a big, beefy, 6'7" dude named C.C. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm absolutely looking forward to that wide load blowing out a knee or a shoulder sometime over the next season or two. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'd root against my own mother if she wore the pinstripes.

* Underrated side ESPN broadcast pet peeve: Jon Miller's obnoxious pronunciation of Latin names. Everyone else calls our new third baseman Adrian BELL-tray. Miller? Bel-TRAY. Annoying.

* Joe just explained that beginning one's Yankee career with a home run is preferable to going "0-for-10 and looking for that first hit." He is getting paid a lot of money to tell us insightful things like this. Really.

* Morgan made it to no outs in the bottom of the third before working in his first Cincinnati reference. Pay the under! Meanwhile, Jon Miller is making an actual case for the second Red Sox game of the year to be "Opening Day," for the people that don't like opening night. That game will be after this one, which, you know, opened the season. And it will take place roughly 40 hours from now. Opening Day...really?

* Mike Cameron just got doubled off first on a routine line drive that wasn't hit very hard. In a related story, I think I need a drink.

* How many hits do you think you'd get Googling "Joe Morgan Is An Idiot?" I'll give you a hint: more than 12 million.

* I don't want to say this game has gone completely to shit but the Yanks just swiped home on a first and third double-steal and Joe convinced himself that he somehow made a great call related to this. Just kill me. I'm on board for this "Opening Day on Tuesday" idea now. Let's do it.

* Quick question: how much interest am I really supposed to show when my wife starts asking me about kids' bedspreads that she's showing me online? I think it's a trap. I'm positive she just showed me the same one twice and asked which I like better.

* Sox fan buddy embedded in NYC checked in on Twitter to let me know how good I have it with Joe and Co., since he is stuck with the Yank-jazeera broadcast on YES. And yes, that's definitely worse.

* Joe just stated a Sabathia statistic that was blatantly incorrect (he was off by 300%), then referred to an Albert Pujols-Big Papi conversation about hitting, then disavowed any knowledge of any quote in there when the actual quote was placed on the screen with a graphic. Morgan practically pulled a muscle running backwards screaming, "Don't mind me, I'm just talking out my ass again!" Oh, and the Red Sox still have exactly one hit tonight.

* Marco Scutaro just made some new friends at the Fens with a two out, RBI single. I think Boston might love this guy this year. Worth mentioning: Yankee left fielder Brett Gardner completely airmailed the throw back in, and for the life of me I cannot understand why the Yanks didn't spend a few extra bucks to keep Johnny Damon, and I really hope it bites them in the ass this year. How bad does a throw from left have to be to make you think that Damon could have done a better job? Yikes.

* YOOOOOUK! Makes it 5-4 with a two run triple to right, thanks to a horrible angle taken by Nick Swisher.

* Sox tie it up, only to give it back with a weird kind of regular season bullpen move I have learned to live with from Terry Francona: he leaves Ramon Ramirez in to face Tex and A-Rod, who each get a solid rip. Enter Okajima. Why not do that to start the inning if you're going to pull the move with no outs?

* Apparently Chan Ho Park is still in the majors because he is now pitching for the Yankees. I'll go ahead and feel good about this. Chan Ho Park is their 7th inning righty set up guy? Honestly?

* Park just fanned Jacoby looking on a big, loopy curve. Ellsbury has done nothing good tonight, and I'll go ahead and say it: I don't like the uniform number switch either. He looks smaller.

* Dustin Pedroia knots it with a bomb over the Monster. This now feels like a game we should win.

* Wild pitch, wild pitch...8-7 lead. Watching the wheels come off like this for the Janks is quite enjoyable. "I still think he should have caught it," notes Morgan, referring to a ball that missed the plate by about ten feet. And now Joba's coming in. We've got plenty of time left for a brawl, folks.

* Clinging to a one run lead heading to the 8th and yes, I'm already preemptively sweating over Papelbon time.

* Okay, it took him nearly eight full innings but I think Joe Morgan actually said something relevant, raising the possibility that the Yankees middle relief might be a problem. Granted, this was after watching Chan Ho Park and Damaso Marte enter, pour gasoline on the infield, and set it alight, but still...a cogent point from Joe!

* Daniel Bard in the 8th is going to become really reliable and fun to watch.

* However, Steven Tyler in the 7th and Neil Diamond in the 8th is a little much for a Sunday night in April. Honestly. Meanwhile, my wife said that this comment makes me sound like my father. Which is ridiculous, because there is no way he stayed awake for either one tonight.

* In addition to the soft, gaping underbelly of the Bronx bullpen, it also warrants mentioning that anything hit up the middle between Jeter and Cano is a base hit. Any. Thing.

* Pap wraps it up in the 9th to finish off a lovely, come from behind Opening Night win. It wasn't pretty, and neither was the color commentary coming from the Big Red Idiot in the booth, but I'll take it.